This is a story about a particular moment, then another, then another.

I had recently turned 50 and was in a state of ongoing disillusionment. I was unhappy in my marriage and trying to find ways to get emotional support.I was attending 12-step meetings and going to yoga.

My job which I overall really enjoyed, seemed to be overlooking key advances. While I loved it, I knew it wasn’t the panacea most believe. (I worked as an MD and had ~30 years experience.) I was burning out.

Because I haven’t (ever) found verbal therapy, as in counseling etc , helpful to feeling ~better or even authentically supportive, I took a Reiki class.

This was also for the chronic pain in my back after having fusion surgery a few years before. (For years I took small amounts of opiates daily as I was intolerant of NSAIDS as well as ADHD and sleep medications.)

Using Reiki on myself, I found it, in addition to meditation, to be quite helpful. Pain levels and flares directly correlated to mental and emotional stressors. With the two, I could consistently reduce it ~20-30%.

Because I wanted to become a practitioner- ostensibly to “help others”, I decided to get some from other than my ‘Reiki master’.

I looked around my neighborhood and went to a couple of appointments. While all seemed very “woo-woo” to my rationally trained mind, I tried to keep it open. It was sort of helpful, I guess.

During one of them with a woman named Phyllis who had pictures of angels all over her walls, I had the distinct sensation there was a very tall ~looming pillar of energy next to where the she was seated at the head of the table.

I clearly heard the words, “you don’t know anything”. Wow. That was my first clue reality wasn’t what it seemed.

I’m not sure what the context was otherwise; Phyllis didn’t particularly do anything but standard Reiki; she didn’t “channel” for example. I left bemused – later I said,”but I know my own heart?!” From that I heard crickets.

When I did Reiki on the handful of clients that did come to my little nondescript space, I did (and do) seem to “channel” key events and insights for them.

For example, as one client who was also having relationship issues lay on my table, I got the distinct vision of a door opening in the middle of the floor. When I mentioned it, she said she used to have a tree house – there was a wooden door in the middle of the floor.

She was in there once when an older male came through it – and raped her. I also saw buckets of tears falling down the legs of the table, even though she herself was quiet.

Fast forward to a few years later I meet this guy for Reiki – in Phyllis’s place, as I’d already given up my (overall unsuccessful) practice. He was a chiropractor. While, I hadn’t seen him as a client – had been invited by his partner to shoot the breeze (conversing casually) with him- on two occasions.

The appointment started off awkwardly – he was almost 30 minutes late. He said he’d “forgotten” but would be there soon.

Then as I started to ask him routine, “why are you here” questions, he says a bunch of odd things – like, “I moved here because I loved the area”, “I had a dream about a beautiful woman leaning over to kiss me who turned into Quan Yin and had archangel Michael in the background -directing” (naming my ‘guides’ – the latter since I was 4).

During the appointment when my hands are over his heart, I “channel” he’s “warrior for love” and he says, “I had a dream when I was a kid…G-d told me I was going to be a “warrior for love”.

And then..ending with him saying into my ear as I’m about to open the door and let him out – “I’m looking for an intense and passionate relationship” and ,”you can do anything you want” referring to the fee for the day while he gazed into my eyes.

With his last one, a golden shard flew from him into the bottom of my heart – went into my spleen then radiated up into my left chest.

Ever since, I’ve had the distinct experience of being (intrusively) possessed by his loving spirit especially around my head and neck. It feels like this other person is energetically sharing my body. He, or it rather, ‘makes (face) love’ to me throughout the day and night.

I should say just 3 weeks before, my husband had asked for a divorce so, I was an emotional and mental wreck. This alone probably set me up to be possessed. I’d also lost a bunch of other beings from my otherwise intolerable- life my mother had passed, beloved dog died (after sending vivid dreams to both me and my then-husband about killing herself), cat vanished, became completely egg-intolerant; goodbye to all my comfort foods.)

Somewhat ironically, after I met the ‘pillar of light’, I started having several prophetic dreams. In one of them I “released spirit entities from my spirit boat’. The very next day, got a call from a man asking me to help ‘relieve him from a state of possession’. I wrote an essay about the ‘theoretical possibility’. I link to it here: https://drjenwyman-clemons.com/2018/08/11/entities/

I had a series of vivid dreams about other people’s lives – which they confirmed.

Also, on the day in question, (All Saint’s Day 2019) I’d been scheduled for months/years to attend a special (spiritual) training but at the last minute learned that for every ritual I performed, the ‘mystery school’ would receive a significant proportion of any received monies. Further, I was required to include expensive ‘drops’ they’d formulated; and that as a “lifelong” member I was subject to other dues, fees, and updates and ongoing trainings in order to stay in their good graces.

To which I said animatedly, “no f*cking way am I going to commit myself to anyone or anything after 26 years of mediocre marriage” out loud!

And with that a chill went down my spine. I’m like, ‘no way – You wouldn’t do that to me’- referring to G-d of course, as I am really just His channel all along!

The mystery school training was scheduled for the fateful day I instead chose to do Reiki with this stranger.

I flipped out, wrote a bunch of essays, pushed Reiki man out hard – and then chased him at the same time. So basically became a ~psycho.

Naturally he wants nothing to do with me – and yet, even today, even now, I can feel his whiskers and lips! And the experience changes all the time I might add. How many ways can you neck? Turns out there are over 365×6.5×5 ways.

Please know, before I ever did/do Reiki, I invoke ‘healing for the highest and greatest good for all beings including you and me (down to our tiptoes)” My crown chakra is open.

Now I see this “shard” is spirit’s way of retrieving my soul.

So yeah, I don’t know anything. I don’t know my heart after all. I’m not even sure if I’m really here or not – but luckily am able to move matter and write this essay. And my garden does look nice; I’m taking care of Gaia’s gift of postage plot.

I have learned how to more authentically relax and share my time- I used to hate any sort of interruptions, especially when I was doing my ‘research’. And G-d forbid my ballet class got delayed or canceled. I’ve learned, or am learning, to love myself ~unconditionally so am committed – hopefully for the rest of my life.

I realize everything is actually divinely orchestrated. I became an astrologer – and find symbolically everything happens correlates to planetary aspects and interventions. Planets are actual hu(e)-mans in life, etc.