I’m going to make this page for daily thoughts exploring ideas I’m currently perusing.

I’m starting a program exploring the “death light codes” by Kelly Kolodny. This is one of many she has channeled as it is her intention to embody Archangel Raphael.

THe next one is “resurrection” – so this is a Plutonic phase.

Day Zero:

This morning I signed on to the introductory ‘lesson’ as the course starts tomorrow bright and early for me and will continue M-Th for 3 weeks.

Please know I feel trepidation.

This is one of those ‘do what I don’t want to do’ type of exercises. I wonder if at the end, I’ll be fully ready and want to transition for example. (AKA “die”)

Personally I was hoping for some fun in this life doing what I l’ove with someone who I l’ove and l’oves me equally. Rationally that seems highly improbable.

And yet, there are things I can and should release which are driving me parallel to my higher goal of self, maybe, but not with integrity.

I still have old medical books, excess photos and slides, clothes that no longer resonate but that I keep safely hidden in my closet. What else I’m guessing I’ll find out.

So far I’ve noticed Kelly is very professional. She is a blond- so she naturally gives off a lot of light. And she is very pretty like eye-candy. It is brilliant to give attending participants the chance at a raffle. With over 1.5 thousand in attendance on her Zoom call this Sunday morning at 7AM PST- odds are low, but not infinitesimal.

While I’m ‘leaning back’, not fully ‘in’ at least that’s how I’m observing my corpus from mind’s eye, my feet are firmly adhered to her platform. This is no magic carpet but more crystalline with patterns and grooves.

Also in my mind’s eye, I’ve already been swept off my feet – except they’re glued on so even if I’ve fallen all the way back and off – I’m still with her.

Day 1:

This morning was quite beautiful. Kelly showed her lovely lightcode cards with the Shiva’s death code card with his crown of 12 stars, our avatar selves encased in a golden egg, in right hand holding a golden trident radiating Da’ath self with our wings fully opened and a halo around us and one that combined the two.

We visited Mt. Kailash in Tibet which is the most sacred place on the planet. Many years ago, I signed up for and paid in full for a trip to go there I even had my flight. The aim was to circumambulate the mountain over a 3 day period but at the last minute, the Chinese government closed the space and I never went.

In the teaching today, Shiva’s energy is strongest at Mt. Kailash – he sits atop as a deep blue boundless presence.

Like the tip of a blue flame – Mt. Kailash emanates l’Ove. It is filled with beings of light and ascended masters- like Mt. Shasta is too.

It was twice recommended during the channeling, which Kelly did towards the end, not to actually visit there because as living beings we’re not ready to be dying. (I guess that answers my curiosity as to why I never made it!)

With the meditation on the portal, Mt. Kailash’s energy embodied with each of us. We are G-d. And that we each are mini-Mt. Kailashs wherever we are once we’ve allowed the constraints (AKA attachments of ego – fear, loss, lack, ‘not-‘ energies) to fall away. Then our breath becomes unencumbered joy – while we are still on earth and pushing matter we speak the truth of our light bodies.

Just yesterday I was again seeing my house as a beacon rising up and extending strings of light crystals out to the edges – and then to be like an umbrella presence in my neighborhood.

Day 2

Today we were lead in meditation while Kelly channeled Shiva to be circumambulating Mt. Kailash.

As a being of pure galactic l’ove, Mt. Kailash is black. It absorbs but doesn’t reflect. It’s minerals aren’t typical for this planet. All attempts to measure, climb, record, and penetrate it are thwarted by fierce winds, clouds, and cold. All these attempts have been made unsuccessfully.

After ‘walking’ into every higher elevation, our breath became ever shallower, finally we fell down. Our spirits watched the bodies still. We fell down one after another as we had walked single file.

After a while the ancient Tibetan elders wearing red robes and bright colors came to bring them to a large flat stone where we were washed, chanted over, and then dismembered. As spirit we ‘watched’ this.

We were surrounded with juniper and the fires were lit to burn our flesh. You could smell it pungent putrifaction in the air.

After this mortal purification, a door appeared on the mountain. As we entered, there was blue light gleaming from lotuses growing everywhere and waterfalls plummeting down inside to become springs later which then feed the nearby rivers and streams. These lead to lakes and eventually the ocean. Our essence of spirit rose in a pillar of light to infinite galactic source – both above and below – as this is Gaia as holy being (Shekinah and Allahumah).

All the while came the question from Shiva who constantly multiplied himself (not a vessel so a “he”), “Who are you?” as we shed our worries, comparisons, fears, and tangibles along the way.

Then we were reborn with pure flesh and hearts unsullied by the above. Free.

Day 3

Today we had a lovely introduction to death rituals practiced all over the world, even though some have been lost, many are still kept to honor the passage both for the being deceased and those left behind in many communities. Kelly was ‘worrying’ about how to channel silent Shiva – and got an immediate sign and ‘answer’ to her quandary – it was sitting in the reflection of her closet- where she keeps a bowl of ashes from departed family members, a large wooden cross, and a three-eyed, ~grimacing Tibetan death mask.

When the cross was moved, it dislodged itself somehow and revealed an inner chamber with a piece of paper. On it are written the Catholic death rites and ritual. Now she felt blessed to have received her answer!

Returning to Mt. Kailash, we stood at the base together (thousands of us) and remembered we were waveform beings of plasma. Even as we touched Her surface (Mt. Kailash is a She, as She is a vessel), I could feel warmth and thrumming even though the air was dry and cold (free of emotion and passion). Eventually we merged our waveforms and entered – bypassing any doors.

In one central area lit by a shaft of blue light, there’s a chamber with a bed. This is the death bed. It was comfortable. All my family members, even the ones who aren’t in touch with me now, were present. It was a time of loving completion. That we were drawn together was perfection – and lead to our/ my excellence.

(I’m going to reach out to them today once again.)[I did and had a short text conversation with my sister who has been ~unresponsive for a couple of years.]

After lying down, Jesus came to the end of the bed and placed His hands on our feet – filling my body with light and warmth. I was drawn into His heart and filled with peace.

Kundalini was awakened and flowed both up and down.

After a time, I returned to my being slowly – feet first, then legs until I was sitting in my body while my stilled corpse lay. Eventually I lay down again into myself – and came back into life with a gasp. (In real life, I belched.)

(I’ve witnessed this particular phase of death and returning very closely a few times in others who weren’t quite ready but had near-death and spirit out of body events which I clearly sensed. These were always for me, very unnerving. For days I’d wallow in “what ifs?” as in they hadn’t come back. I wish I’d had this course in medical school.)

Then we were being directed to regain our corporeal awareness – wriggling fingers, shoulders, hips and toes. Now its time for me to go out barefoot – which I hate doing because the ground is now so rough and cold.

Day 4

Dharma talk day; non-experiential; reviewed meaning and derivative of OM na ma shi vaya a beautiful mantra to connect with our infinity self.

[For the ~first time, I sat comfortably in front of a camera with a live audience – even though I barely participated otherwise – I could be seen and counted- and did get affirmed!]

Day 5

Today we met again on the mountain – all the pilgrims and other participants were there. Shiva was there. The mountain thrummed. We each received a horse to ride on. Although the cueing was to be wearing warm (heavy) clothes and boots, I was barefoot. The ground was sharp.

My horse was white and etheric. Eyes were sparkly and sparkling.

We rode up the mountain and saw the ascended beings too – Jesus (He-is-us), Quan Yin, Buddha and all the other beings dedicated to a spiritual path. Eventually a doorway is visible – stone layered on stone. We descended into the heart of the mountain until a space where Shiva was again. There was a ring of white light which was finely sieved. We could enter it now – otherwise it would be as a barrier or wall (I was having a discussion yesterday about a wall actually being a fine sieve one couldn’t pass through- water and radiation always find a way), We entered an inner chamber that was warm and filled with tender Yin energy. There was another death bed. Before we lay down, I unzipped my skin again – and let it drop. It folded into a neat packet. Later it was burned. The ashes, with water – would form new clothes and skin. We lay down on the death bed. and again rose from the body – etheric spirit. We rose and eventually went to another place – mine was a shiva lingam shaped building- domes but phallic at the same time. made from square pieces of stone all neatly joined together to be almost smooth). Inside the walls were covered with screens that shifted and sifted through all my life images. while I couldn’t see at first I could feel. (Without bodily receptors all is vibration.)

We were cued back to our birth – and the moments of being “pushed out” – and into hu(e)-man’s arms. My mother lay there – feeling desperate – her autonomy ended by my arrival. My father too was imprisoned by the idea of becoming a provider.

Then another image came from when I was nine. My brother and I had come together for the first time in a long time – after my mother had “kidnapped” us to bring to CA (3000 miles away) and then returned for another custody battle. (My brother and I both were “kidnapped” by her; my father hired a private detective to “rescue” my brother – when he was supposed to go see a doctor for projectile vomiting and weight loss – he was sickly.)

Our reunion was at the probate court where each would testify against the other parent or attest to our wonderful one we were with. We were to meet one at a time in the judge’s chambers.

I had been repeatedly coached before by both mother and grandparents to “only say nice things – or else” about mother; my dad was referred to as daemonic. I wasn’t to say anything good about him. (I was regularly being spanked and sometimes beaten – I knew what “or else” meant; and I was afraid worse would happen.)

My brother, who after being re- kidnapped and returned to dad, was in a similar situation and hating me for being “so lucky” not to live with dad. He was bereft of all tender presence. And dumped into others homes while dad went doing his adult fun. (My father at the time was a regular at the Playboy club; later my brother had his ninth birthday party there. Lots of bunnies put their boobs in his face.)

My brother had pyloric stenosis – and remained small. he could barely stomach life. My father was brutish to him- not a being he was proud of because of his diminished stature. Donald lived a lonely hell. (Both father and brother are named Donald.)

From this we had a big fight in the court house. We had to be pulled apart like two dogs fighting – each about the other parent’s loss and betrayal – made worse by the circumstances of why we were brought together. I felt so bad for my brother without a mother(I was eldest); there was nothing I could say or do to bring him into wholeness then (and even more recently).

I was upset that my dad hadn’t hired a PI to “rescue” me. He had been my “light” growing up. I ~”hated” my mother as she seemed to ~hate me.

As a result of the proceedings – my sister and I stayed in our mother’s custody- even though she was diagnosed as “moderately psychotic”; my brother stayed with father- and our family was permanently sundered.

(I’ll call Donald today and talk to him.)

After our time to ‘review’, there were few others to come up that I recall) but maybe I’m blocking them, we were again on our death bed. This time we rose with a ‘cleaner’ being ready to meet a new day.

Day 6

Today we are in the middle of our course. In preparation, each of us had been given an opportunity to share the names of departed loved ones who we still cared about – perhaps didn’t feel ‘complete’ with. Kelly’s assistant compiled a list of these beings. Because there are ~1.8 thousand people on the call every morning this list stretched into several ~8 thousand. For the first 20 minutes, this list was scrolled for us all to witness and be aware of. There was a lot of grief and sadness present.

(Because of my particulars – I had an emergency endodontic appointment since I’d cracked the crown which they’d drilled through to redo my root canal, I’m writing this a day later; details feel fuzzy.)

On the list I didn’t see the three names I’d submitted but did see the first name of my LD the man who I’ve tried to “birth” and “shed”.

Eventually Kelly channeled Aa and Lord Raphael- angel of the Raphe – the binding into form.

We were again brought to mt. Kailash with its eternal beaming unsullied portal. The details of how we next got from A- to -B are a bit fuzzy – but we came to be with our beloveds.

We would know them by their dress, mannerisms, appearance and so forth. We’d sit across from them and be mutually telepathic.

I found myself sitting across from my L.D. being and looking into his eyes. At first he was reading the newspaper as he sat at his breakfast table.

This was his moment of peace before going to his office to face a day of individuals.

We held hands – he grasped mine as I stood up to leave and didn’t release it. His hands are big – like mine. (As a chiropractor, he uses his hands to lay on spines and necks to relieve pain and fear allowing his patients to regain mobility; he uses sound to signal its release with “cracking” noises.)

I saw both parents briefly.

Day 7

Today I woke “late”, had an unusual experience when I went to the bathroom (thought I did something – but hadn’t). Felt like slightly disoriented. Ended going to my session fasting.

*

This day Kelly channeled Aa Raphael but then switched over to one of the three dear people she’d lost. They’d come in a dream and requested to publicaly share their message.

The first one was Arno Bri(g)net (spelling?) her brother-in-law who was a chiropractor and had written a book about the “cafe of life”. As Kelly channeled, he related his death experience.

Before dying his pain, which he’d always had, became much worse. He knew it was close to time to go. He started to ready everything. Bought a smaller house for his wife who’s still living. Was worried she’d be overwhelmed. Was very careful and meticulous about all the details.

Eventually he passed – and all his pain was gone. Almost everyone was at his death bed except one, his adopted Chinese/Asian daughter.

As he passes he’s waiting for a big bright light – but there isn’t one. There’s his father instead. Together they go into a dark cave. He can’t see anything – but at the end there’s a new panorama.

He finds himself at a cafe in Paris where he is from. There’s a man having croissants and cappuccino who looks familiar. It’s Dr. Palmer – the man who founded the western chiropractic school. Dr. Palmer tells him that he’s learned there are other ways of healing. He’s changed his beliefs about everything.

Then,

He sees his ‘daughter’. She’s about 3 looking up to him (with defiance). In real life she was irrascible and intractable – according to his ideas. As he’s before her, he sees she’s really an ascended master – who embodied for him.

He falls to his knees and asks forgiveness for thinking she was ‘less than he’ – as he had. With that the scene vanishes.

Then,

He’s seeing a team of surgeons in scrubs all focused on one soul – dedicating their lives to another’s comfort and relief. They’re all bent over the body in the middle – with bright light overhead.

He realizes they cared as much for their patients as he did. They are healers too- as he was. He had judged them harshly in life. He is forgiven. The scene vanishes.

Then,

He finds himself standing before a sacred grove in Japan. There’s a strong man in front of him – there to show him a new way of healing. He brings him to a temple. The scene is zen-like. (There are very few distractions, men tend sand, flora and fauna are recognized as having ‘kami’ – spirits.) This is where he’s ‘staying’ as he ‘learns new ways of healing’. (Sounds like energy healing and Reiki?)

I hope we “hear” from the other two beings! Given what happened yesterday – with my L.D. the man chiropractor, I found this very personally helpful.

Chiropractors are immersed in an endless field of individuals who have pain in the core of their being. Even with gentle words and language – stuff gets stuck. With his ‘art’, he releases them. But, as an empath – which we all are to a degree, he’s absorbing them into his aura as well – including the pain.

Terry Pratchett talks about how his “witch” Tiffany Achen (no mistakes about how he wrote her name!) manages pain.

She gathers it from the client into a little ball – then hefts it outside and imagines it ‘breaking’ and exploding things – instead of her bones and body – which it would do otherwise.

This is the source of the chiropractor’s (and doctor’s) pain, which until now, hasn’t been seen this way.

[Pain forces the mitochondrial waveform and responsive light being (hu(e)-mans) to ask for help from someone with “more power”.

It comes when we have subconsciously violated our father’s DNA blueprint for us.

The thing is – we are each here to be our own divinity in matter – so we must depart from his ideals. This is scary and painful. We risk losing his l’Ove and support. (L’Ove is anything that personally is of our Orphic egg of being – our ‘why’, if you will of why we incarnated.)

Until now, our lineage’s punished us corporeally or by shunning and ostracizing when we “fell short” of his ideas. Many societies still adhere to patriarchal traditions for those who don’t comply.

As each father had a father of his own, these punishments have been passed down along with all their judgements. They are internalized by all the lineage bearers – until now.

As we come to realize and forgive ourselves for all our “transgressions”, every molecule of our being comes alive. Then the fear, grief and sadness stored in our hearts and lungs is released leaving us with wings in its stead.]

Wow!

Here’s what I texted to G his royal LD man creature being who’s still chiropractising.

“ i’m in a few spiritually oriented programs right now. Today’s focused on a deceased chiropractor. He channeled his death experience through Kelly Kolodny.

Did you know that like becoming sensitized to Legos – so can soma? all the percussive clicks and clacks from your work tear your aura apart?!

I didn’t think so.

As you release “core” wounds, which back pains represent specifically father wounds, unless you directly guide them, they go into you.

It’s funny, I repeatedly see you flying down the road on a vibrating motorcycle. imagine all the crystals you’ve built up being shaken up and released behind you- like a giant fertilizing cloud.

Fathers really care – and fear when we differentiate finding other solutions for life than the ones we’ve chosen.”

and i meant to say “father’s chosen” rather than “we’ve chosen.”.

AND since I personally hate motorcycles, other ways of getting vibrations- to loosen up stuck entities in our auric field could be long rides on a train and ferry – as well as just ‘shaking’ them out!

they embed in our weakest parts.

Day 8 Coaching call

I didn’t listen to the whole presentation as it was mostly testimonial. TBH I’m also done being told how to heal or what is the purpose of my pain by any young guy (today’s presentation was led by Kelly’s thirty -something son (or younger.)

He related his “dark room” experience of being left alone for hours by a wo(e)-man who was supposed to feed him but showed up much later than she said. You could hear the anguish in his voice relating it – still.

Wo(e)-men were telling their stories – and today I wasn’t into it. Almost all the “people” on the call are wo(e)-man; some still wo(mb)-men, but most seem pretty gray-haired.

There are very few men- beings without wombs or woes, it seems.

The body keeps score of every word, thought, sensation, and feeling – especially when not reciprocated by those who we’ve directly set our attentions. He was talking about stuck sensations and emotions that create artificial limits and boundaries.

So for example, when you go to a provider and don’t pay them their worth to you directly, your soma feels like you short-changed them, even if (your parent or) the insurer pays for you. As a result you’re almost guaranteed to get sick to ‘see’ them again; your soma corpus wants to ‘make things right’.

Then he was emphasizing the power of play- and if you “aren’t good at a game – you haven’t practiced enough”.

From my perspective, if you’re not “good at the game”, you’re mismatched. Keep looking. Don’t waste time trying to adhere to another’s set of rules.

While I feel this is a very helpful course – walking, breathing, and living in death which is also the recommendation (mirroring Hindu tradition)- focusing on it – brings more to us. And feeds a sense of in-satiety when we “don’t get a fix”.

I don’t agree we should “focus” on death per se – unless it’s directly within one’s personal collective- then it’s there to be honored – to reaffirm to those remaining that they’re still included in community, etc.

(Check out my “death eater’s essay”)

Take the death altars out of our house – and keep in a tender community spot; let every one have access to the ancestors.

Focus on what you l’Ove and what’s uplifting. Let losses lie as they are meant to- to release the “owner” from having to care after said beings.

Today for Jupiter’s day I’m going to make some “more space” in my house – by decluttering and clearing. Remove all trash and debris.

Monday day 9

Today Kelly channeled her beloved brother-in-law and sister (or maybe it was the opposite). Each described their pre- and post- death experience.

The brother, Russ, a previous insurance executive, knew months before his death it would come – even knew the day. Had a tattoo with the month placed on his wrist (and a ladybug on his butt). Had been channeling Merlin and Toth mysteries.

He experienced the death process as being rejoined by warmth and l’Ove. It is peaceful and inviting.

After his de’ath, which came regardless of outside efforts by his wife who brought many healers into his life, he didn’t ‘leave’ the earth plane – but stayed with his wife Mary Ellen as she grieved. It was frankly confusing especially when Kelly channeled her. It seems she died before his did in reality somehow.

Both felt clear sense of purpose and mission in their afterlife experience – and are available to each of us participants as well.

Although they had what seemed like an eternity to be reunited as they rejoined their ‘twin flames’- combining their energies once again orgasmically which ‘she’ said seemed like years, both had ‘work’ to do , so separated. ‘He’ regained his ‘Gaia map room’; ‘she’ became cosmic symbols and geometries.

He is to bring signs and confirmations; she is to help with the flow of abundance. Her job was to redistribute wealth to those with ‘pure’ hearts and that currently the planet’s abundance is concentrated by people who use it to create repression, confusion and chaos – all meant to dis-empower. (These lives are built on f’ear – always trying to avoid unpleasant sensations and feelings.)

My computer screen didn’t work the entire time. The monitor shut off – until the hour + was over. I could hear the transmission, but it was as if my black screen was emanating. Then after it was over, while I waited for my phone to recharge so I could call the service people, the screen suddenly sprang to life again – like Nina Hagen’s war machine.

Day 10

Today we’re back at the mountain after the last days of receiving such clear messages of transitions.

The mountain has four faces. Each face gives rise to its own river and has it’s own personality. As a vessel of Gaia, Deity goddesses are assigned – the Great Mother, Wild woman, Death, and the Rainbow Goddess. We briefly meet each one. (Later, we’re encouraged to sign up for another class on those entities alone – which I did; programming while one is open and relaxed is very effective!)

Personally I’m most familiar with the Great Mother and least with Wild woman. I’ve met death a few times and connect with Rainbow Goddess occasionally.

Day11

Back at the mountain we again are recalled to its black galactic stone and faces. We enter without guidance. The golden lingham shaft of eternal light is there waiting.

In it Aa Raphael wearing green robes and carrying a golden caduceus wound with two serpents and wings on the top of the orb appears.

He places the caduceus inside us our spinal canal (Shushuma) such that the serpents emanate from our perineum and ascend winding their way up on both sides as they are Ida and Pingala.

(I’ve experienced this before a decade ago. First time my ‘staff’ was rusty -and on my left – a little askew, but then clarified and became more centrally located and blue sapphire.)

Eventually the staff enlarges and we become enclosed in it. So we’re enclosed in its shaft of light.

It’s substance is fluid, warm, and nurturing. We are being re-infused and completely healed with all healing codes and their symbols at once. It then limited its extension from being infinite to a point a few feet overhead and likewise beneath.

After all, a white veil/ cloth/ shroud is placed over us and left in place until the time of resurrection. Meanwhile we incubate.

The end.