I read a sad story today in the Guardian, about the TV show producer John Balson who committed suicide after having intractable and debilitating head and body symptoms which no doctor relieved. As his symptoms progressed, he had a relentless sense of world being topsy-turvy (like vertigo), sharp head discomfort, “panic attacks”, and sleeplessness- all suggesting extreme neurovascular dysregulation despite seeing doctors and numerous tests.
Nothing helped – not even his high-end neurologist, his loving and supportive wife, his adorable toddler, or even hopes of the baby on the way and due soon. https://www.facebook.com/share/v/W8HKEGF9PUhHMVk9/
His symptoms started suddenly on a Sunday after bringing his daughter out swimming, then kicking back with a couple glasses of wine and playing some video games when he was hit with sudden fatigue and inability to concentrate.
Symptoms progressed over the next few weeks and became so intractable and severe, affecting every aspect of life, he ‘chose’ to self-terminate after two months- despite receiving the best of the best drugs for migraines, anxiety, vertigo, etc. All the tests were “normal”.
When they first started, he’d been passionately doing his job – pulling in long hours as true crime investigator and spending hours with his sources. Despite even death threats, and being told by those in the survivors’ collectives to desist, he diligently dug and probed survivors’ recollections of heinous crimes.
His last case was of an unsolved murder linked to an alleged pedophile ring- he thought he’d even solved it.
While some interviewed for the article described pressures from fear of being blackballed as the main driver for his stressful lifestyle (described in the article above), which could contribute to the severity of his symptoms, the writer also raised the issue of whether the content itself, designed to meet the (insatiable) appetites of his viewers, create a version of ‘PTSD’.
His work was really disturbing and gruesome-a TV producer he worked with once screamed when he opened up a folder with unredacted or blurred forensic images. There was no trigger warning on the cover. A significant percentage of journalists suffer from PTSD after exposure to graphic images. Those who work with journalists think sensitivity to the ‘disorder’ stems from “ethical regrets”. (Can you imagine the entities Mr. Balson absorbed in his career?)
So far networks pay for this work because it is a cash cow. Stories are told that otherwise wouldn’t have been –from the version of the collective that was left behind, even if they didn’t want to be re-interviewed. Of course they’d already had all their recollections of the deceased dredged up by police investigators- usually repeatedly-each time refreshing the sensations of loss when their world collapsed- which is what this guy ‘ate up’, along with the stories and images.
If you’ve ever suffered a severe loss, the symptoms of walls caving in, vertigo, panic attacks, and painful sensations are unfortunately very real but fade with time, until the bandage is ripped off again.
He’d feel success “getting a story” from all the witnesses (re-traumatizing every one of them). As his dis-ease progressed over a course of two months, he reflected on this and was considering a new career.
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For a story like this, I wish I had his birth chart. It would NO DOUBT show he had a (very) strong Mars/Pluto placement –if not in the ‘birth chart’, it could be in his draconic chart. The latter especially since he made his living as a forensic TV writer and producer- and he wasn’t actually the ‘bad’ guy.
It’s likely he had a Scorpio rising sign or was a Scorpio himself as well- because of his fixation on gruesome sexual crimes. Folks like that, immersed in the world as it is – focusing on what everyone does wrong, can’t help themselves. And as he connected with survivors, he was intensely persistent despite their discomfort.
Since he was such a “hard worker”, Mars was very likely in an exalted position (people tend to be indefatigable when Mars is at home in Aries or Scorpio – or exalted (like mine), in Capricorn). I can’t know that though- I don’t have his birth date, let alone the time.
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Being 40, he was born in 1984-ish. Looking at the ephemeris for the year, it is interesting to see Saturn was in Scorpio for all of the year (and retrograde for the first half)- so for those born in this year, fears and thoughts about limitations are likely experienced intensely. (‘What’ limitations are feared, and why, depends on whichever house Saturn falls in and where the ruler of the sign on the cusp is- which in this case are likely or at least very possible, both Mars (passionately) and Pluto (powerfully).) He was afraid of not having money – so Saturn- our wisdom of slow, aged maturity, could have been in his second house.
Aside from a brief sojourn back into the last degrees of Libra, Pluto was “home” in early Scorpio degrees– so a period of transformation of what “underbelly” looked like. (Scorpio is all about the values we share with our frenemies, including sex acts, death, and taxes).
Mars was also in Scorpio the first 8 months of the year (usually it spends about 2 months in each sign) due to being retrograde- so it too, was at home and intensely passionate- relentlessly. Uranus was in Sagittarius so genius, and sudden changes were focused on higher law, truth and justice.
I found all this after writing the first paragraph above.
(No wonder “1984” the book was so dark! –especially if as I suspect, writers “channel” or “download” their works from the universe”. 1984 is also when big-money (and power) and big hair, “Dallas”, Dynasty, and Cosby show were top hits, as well as several police serials – which laid groundwork for later even more extreme shows!)
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IN the US, I can turn on the TV at any time of day and find at least one true crime show- and that is not including the so-called “news”. Before I quit TV, there were weekly CSI (crime scene investigator) shows in 3 locales- all in major cities-on three different nights. SVU (special victims unit) was even worse. By the end of my watching-TV-time, SVU seemed to be showing daily. That was mostly about perverted serial killers.
All shows had (very) sexy women showing cleavage and wearing formfitting clothing- so they were eye candy, while they “investigate” some person’s individual family tragedy.
This is a form of conditioning – pairing sexuality with violent ideas.
While they often wrap up with a tidy catching of the perpetrator, never are motives for why or how a victim came to be in the situation broached – or what could be done differently.
And if what my 20-something year-old kids watch for entertainment is any indication of “average” – they’re awash in gory action movies, mafia-themed violent serials, and shooter games. While they don’t have PTSD (yet), they can’t seem to get enough of it. Maybe it helps them feel alive.
No wonder their view of the world and its current conditions, even though factually and actually they ~live like f*cking kings, is so skewed and dystopic.
I’ve not seen them once pick up books with complex ideas.
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John Balson’s immediate emotional collective, AKA home, family, and work partners, would have balanced him out. They would use his intensity in their projection of sovereign self.
His wife was traditional “stay-at-home”; she took care of cooking, cleaning, and her little one. She was naturally supportive of his work and did her very best to help him given the ‘tools’ she had. Being Japanese, compared to many American women, she was likely raised to be quintessentially obedient. Being strong, independent, or outspoken, might not be her strongest trait; nor was it likely supported.
His headstrong approach helped them materially. How could she argue with that? Before then they’d been living with their in-laws (both hers and then his). Finally, with his latest very-demanding gig, they had a taste of freedom- living on their own.
With this catastrophic episode, she is finding her voice and raising awareness about the freelancers’ dilemma in general, and their working conditions. (May G-d guide her hands and voice wisely.) The photo of her in mourning and obviously very pregnant shows her wearing black in the midst of summer – life’s most joyous season. I hope she can switch to a black armband soon – and wear colors of the season.
Her little one once born, will have experienced her intense engagement with this man’s vocal and physical resonance, and then her profound grief with his loss. The world she or he is born into, may be strangely sweetened such as life can be when touched by personal tragedy.
Then everyone in the collective is a little extra kind and helpful at least for a while- the first year or so. I wish her luck with her advocacy – I hope she can make it very positive – so she’s not imbued with more misery.
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Personally, I agree with Guardian’s careful concerns about the true-crime genre– though I’ll go further (I don’t have any advertisers to please)- really the whole industry, as it is today, should just ‘go away’.
While violent crimes do happen –again they’re a reflection from a collective’s perspective – what that collective has been trained to “see” from their world of desperate unbalance. Perpetrators find a sense of control and sovereignty, by taking it from others. If you dug and took a nuanced history from the “criminal” (not the collective which is always going to save face), you’d come to understand “how” a mind, and heart, could become so twisted and corrupt (=cor- rupt, heart is broken/ruptured).
May it be so, as the population becomes “woke”, these shows (and movies), all of them, find themselves being shown to empty audiences. Let producers switch to some stories about how someone found themselves – despite their bare bones (today called “impoverished”) back stories. There are no doubt, many to celebrate.
I’d like more historical fiction or biographical. The last great movie I saw, was “Hidden Figures”. I think they should show this in all schools! It had data, suspense, intelligence, a great plot- and it was true.
(Darker) complex genres resonate with those with similar Pluto in their chart. So stories, to be a satisfying substitute, must have undercover research and complex underlying themes. Ideally though, these folks would be off doing their own deep dives – perhaps to share some fascinating historical aspect of a thing they l’ove, not hate.
(May John Balson rest in peace. And may the hearts of his collective be blessed.)
