[Apologies to any narcissi(st) out there who might feel seen in this essay. Your natural status is deeply appreciated. Not everyone is born to have tall bright instantly eye-catching yellow trumpets. Or be so clearly delimited from one’s “lesser thans” and “little people”.

Listening to those who’ve outsourced their sovereignty, whether genuine or not, you build your natural charisma.]

Narcissi herald early spring. They bloom at a time when the ground and weather is cold, dark, and uninviting.  It’s not too much fun to work in the garden -although I’ve been surprised at how more light there is outside compared to inside even on the shortest days of the year!

With sun’s beams attenuated by their acute angle, the ground receives a fraction of its force.    Spring hasn’t quite shrugged off winter when narcissi bloom. As hu(e)-mens, we more often feel the inside beckoning.

But when you first see narcissi, you know “day” is returning. And with that, full spring is coming and hurray!  Soon we’ll leave off our winter coats (or cloaks) and heavy layers- freeing our limbs so we can be lithe again.  Soma starts twitching – as our mute vessel a “she”, thirsts for air on her skin.

*

After a winter’s icy grays, when our retinas have been starved of nature’s color, narcissi’s bright bold golden yellows and intense oranges are uplifting even shocking – in a good way.

Narcissi’s trumpet borne high, enlivens my eyes (and spirit). It takes a sort of fearless bravery to bloom quite so soon- and seemingly so independently. Narcissi project their version of leadership.

Narcissi are powerful in this way -so plant them in landscapes where you want your eyes to train. Use narcissi to flatter areas of your garden or patio. They will distract from any sordid realities.

(Such as, don’t put them in your ugly mulch pit – though they will certainly grow there- no one needs be drawn to look at it.)

As spring’s ambassadors, narcissi are evidence once again of warmth and season’s promise. Look – he’s proof of something good- even if he’s “just” being attractive.!

While narcissi may play a small part in spring’s progression into summer, his is an important one.

***

Narcissi, a member of daffodil family (or maybe it’s the other way around technically), doesn’t have many companions. The ground around them is typically bare.  Crocus is finishing; Lily-of-the-valley’s bells are starting to fatten.

Then narcissi, with muscari, might peek out from over-wintered leaf clutter when planted together.

Amongst these plants, narcissi are the tallest star- they easily stand out- it’s their biology. 

While in their own way attractive, his companions are not so eye-popping.

For one, they are tangibly diminutive: muscari’s small deep purple spikes reach about a third narcissi(st)’s height. When muscari surrounds narcissi with their blanket of sameness-  as faceless drooping tubular bells, it’s hard to think of any single flower as individual. (AND YET THEY ARE!)

To a hu(e)-man, muscari seems effaced like “Cousin It” on the Munsters- he could be anyone, as long as the hair didn’t change.

*

Narcissi look great with muscari as companions – from human’s perspective the purple, a balance of reds and blues – passion and loyal intelligence, surround his, I mean its, big yellow trumpet.

When together as a vision, they’re eye-popping with narcissi’s ~gold against their purples.  

Lily-in-the-valley with her dainty white suspended bells, just happen to be out of the ground at the same time. Sharing space, lily doesn’t do much for narcissi(st). With lily pretty and virginal, narcissi are out of place. Lily-of-the-valley wafts a delicate fragrance, as she forms a perennial creeping mat. With its cold-resilient rhizomes which actively exclude other plants, it can be considered invasive.

Neither steal narcissi’s show. Narcissi are Mr. Personality.

***

As narcissi have largish bulbs, compared to crocus or tulip they get planted pretty deeply. Like ~all bulbs[1], they get planted at a depth 2½-3 times their height-pointed side up, depending on whether the soil is more clay or sandy.

I plant them ~6 inches deep- they’ve about 4 inches to go to reach the surface; more if I spread a couple of inches of mulch on it – and still they come after each winter.

 After I’ve set them, I sprinkle a mixture of garden soil and bone meal. Before roots come which may then be deeper or more spreading in some areas or another depending on surrounding soil structure (outside of their initial man-made silo), they get the same water when it rains.

***

Triggered by sun’s long red penetrating rays, narcissi ascend in their cold subterranean hollows. All the while the ground is congealed with near-frozen organic loam. But with waxing rays (not actual light) narcissi reach a bit higher lead by its root tip.

Each day extending and differentiating at the same time.

As they go, their bud tip differentiates into the faintest outlines of future plant – including pistils, stamen, petals, and seeds.  Before they even break ground’s surface these structures are complete; rendered from DNA’s potential. At that point though they are miniature chartreuse-green.

There narcissi sit under the surface. In January, you can see their leaf tips– emerging into frost and chilling winds[2].  Before hitting the surface, narcissi are ghostly pale- becoming green only when light lands on chlorophyll.  For that it needs blues and violet waves which are all-too-easily blocked by earth’s soil and shadows.

Plants aren’t “waiting” for its next phase -until the light and warmth has reached its daily minimum, they’re activated and soaking in every photon shining on them. They can’t and don’t hold themselves back.

For narcissi it doesn’t take too much light to sprout. He doesn’t mind the cold; maybe he’s got some version of natural antifreeze(?)

While it is tempting to dismiss narcissi’s value beyond its looks, imagine- have compassion for this initial brutal reality.  Raw ambition might look like resilience, as the pale shoot ascends it gently twists aside small rocks and pebbles. This might look like “ignoring” obstacles but more reflects unquenched drive. This is Mars energy when it is still healthy.

(Yes, sometimes even narcissi have tests and challenges).

***

After a long winter’s icy grays, when our retinas have been starved of natural light, narcissi’s bold golden yellow and/or bright orange colors excite us (at least a little). Via our soma, we get a little tingle, this time from light.

Compared to most other plants narcissi stand out in the main due to their time of blooming- before everything else. Anthropomorphizing, it radiates a version of confidence that, compared to his still-sleeping brethren, is uplifting and attractive (and needed).

With their family, I mean bulb pressures, narcissi are often forced into early development by bringing them inside.  Compared to the frigid world they come from, being brought inside to 70 degrees F or 25 degrees C revs up their efficient enzymes. They’ll even grow in ~pure water. This is analogous to being coddled.

So in  being bright and beautiful before the other plants have their chance, narcissi gets a lot of “ahhing” and” oohing”- along with other tangible rewards-even though narcissi may have no real idea of experience or maturity under Sun’s hot glares.

They certainly haven’t any 5000 hours mastering anything! to give him real authority-other than his ‘leadership’ skills (in the family and at school).

Before doing anything requiring actual skill or talent, narcissi(st) is often given promise and opportunity inherently granted those with wealth or who demonstrate similar confidence.

(Now you can see why we’ve become so stoop-ed, choosing leaders based on charisma- rather than aptitude!)

***

While narcissi are certainly beautiful in and of themself, they doesn’t hold a candle to later flowers of spring and summer.

For example, they might seem to shrink next to hyacinth. Reminiscient of muscari in appearance – if you magnified it a few times, Hyacinths ~4 times taller than muscari. Instead of drooped bells, each of its ~50 open lily-shaped flowers face up and outwards. Next to hyacinth’s showy blooms, narcissi might be the supporting act.  Next to hyacinth narcissi look ho-hum- the former being so tall, full, and showy. Naturally hyacinth’s bloom a bit later.

When I grow narcissi, I tend to leave them in their garden but might trim the spent bloom when it starts to swell with seed pregnancy. But I’m rethinking that now-maybe it should go through a cycle or two of letting them go.  Would I get some naturalized even if smaller – would they be right-sized for my environment? Someday I’ll let you know.

***

As his trumpet is born on a hollow tube, narcissi don’t stand up well as cut flowers. You can consider them a version of water plant; they have so little pith or lignan. 

When cut, its stems insides swell from water’s incursion. First starting at the cut end, the circumference enlarges in all directions. Eventually the ends split, flare, and then curl up like soaked radishes or an umbrella inside out. While interesting looking, they’re then not too useful for water or sugar transport. Without support, the narcissi(st) bloom quickly withers.

Requiring special treatments is a version of life support.

When cut, they look stunning for a few days, instead of nearly a fortnight. So, while it’s tempting to bring in some sunshine during those early spring months, they’re best left outside.

Nonetheless, as hu(e)-mens will do whatever they want -when narcissi are cut and placed in water, their inner sap streams out. As their innards tumble, one can see its ‘invisible’ waveform displacing water and causing upset turbulence.

Touch it, it’s slimy. You want to wash this off– or in time your skin could get irritated, especially if you’re thin-skinned like me.

In the narcissi(st)’s case, this irritating sap is from toxic saponic alkyloids – soapy membrane- dissolving compounds that soften all the other stems (including its own) which happen to be in the vase with it. This leads to rot and kills the blooms. (Perhaps this sap could act as solvent degreaser?)

This makes narcissi unsuitable for being in a big bouquet; they’re generally not team players.

*

To reduce this leakage, cut the ends straight across. This minimizes wounding.  Other angles exacerbate this ~hemorrhaging, by elongating the cut surface area.

This is unlike rose, who ‘prefers’ cuts to be angled. Narcissi(st) in the end don’t take up much – but dump without coagulating.

*

This toxic effect can be reduced by ~24 hours (around the clock) pretreatment pampering and conditioning in “special water”.

As long as they’re continually filled with this “special water” (metaphoric for being nurtured and dependent on outside sources – as those who are need constant emotionally support), they stay looking perky.

While receiving its special treatment, as long as it gets its “special water”, from narcissi’s perspective, it doesn’t care who’s pouring. To narcissi, its ‘attendants’ are grossly ~indistinguishable.

(So don’t take anything narcissi(st) says to you personally when he has his tantrums and spews! Keep your head down like humble muscari. Eventually he’ll move on to another item or refocus and leave you once again al(l)-one. That said don’t forget he’s your projection; his behavior may be triggered in a response to something about your presence! Check out my essays on possession (especially L.D. -1) for more information.)

When coached with ‘happy emotions’ as this “special (sweet) water” might be considered, the whole time for full 24 hours, they then can share a vase without this toxic effect- and are also preserved.

Even so, florists find narcissi’s cut beauty to be rather fleeting, so they sometimes stuff their stems with pipe cleaners to keep them standing straight. (Ouch! Sounds like injections with drugs.)

But because they have so much panache by themselves, I’d probably stick to keeping them separate.

*

Plumped by bulb’s turgor rather than strength of pith, narcissi’s stalk is quite fragile.  You see it has few lignans or inner structure – as its stalk is hollow. So compared to solid-stemmed carnations, zinnias, or alstroemerias such as you might find in Fred Meyer’s flower department, narcissi don’t last as long no matter how delicately you care for them.

(I’m getting flagged- for “accessibility issues” from my word processing program. If that is so, ask someone for help understanding me.)

***

When still attached to their bulb’s ancestral offering of DNA, mitochondria, and nutritious riches, narcissi’s phloem is stiff with activity. Ignoring the cold ambient temperatures, its enzymes work efficiently.  With its leaves, narcissi collect energy long past its blooming and actively transports sugars throughout. So please do leave them alone- don’t tie them up or remove them until they’re withered and brown.

With these fuels, narcissi power future growth. Narcissi are measurable proof and evidence of harnessing the sun that shines on him. With the sun and earth (and air’s fomites), narcissi co-create.

If you don’t cut it after the petals drop, like most other flowers narcissi swells with fertilized seed.  Normally cut these off or dead head them, but this year I’ll leave a few. Who knows maybe they’ll naturalize- right-sized for their milieu?!

These self-sustaining activities are to ready bulb for yet another successful season.

After the stalk is cut, narcissi’s leaves keep catching photons – but don’t have the flower to feed anymore. Instead, the bulb reaps the benefits.

If you want to help them, give them a little phosphorous (from bone meal) starting in mid-spring. Like a dog, narcissi do love a bone.

Flesh and blood as sources of nitrogen yield proteins to make green, but transform into nothing attractive or edible.

***

Whether any of the above is true for a person exhibiting narcissistic tendencies, I can only speculate.

Personally, I came from an emotionally intense background – so lots of Mar’s/Pluto energy, with very little of Saturn’s frigid and purely rational rule-oriented approach; my “family” upheld few traditions. I’ve been learning to make my own.

Certainly, I didn’t have limitless family resources (a big bulb) to pander to my every whim- but I had public school, my legs, and mass transit and as a foster child some state-supported assistance. I wasn’t congratulated for my milestones particularly.

Nor did family attend graduations (except for high school when my ex-foster parents came. Sad maybe, but then I was free.

But probably that’s why I still haul around all those diplomas and certificates – my own private memorabilia of my finished adventures.

With others I kept my background as my ‘secret’, and I suggest you do to -unless someone directly asks a personal question. This has ~never happened. Most folks I was around were very sure and full of themselves and their life experiences. With my “alternate” views of things, I was their party-pooper.

 Perhaps they came from good strong bulbs, at least it seemed so, but some of them may too have been quite chilled. Parents can freeze out the rest of the world, while cultivating the sense of “we’re better than…”.

 Normally I don’t get too near narcissists, even if I share their space. Though I find them (and most everyone) a curiosity.

It’s true, being married to a surgeon whose high intensity job receives high pay and mostly constant adulation might have come close – in the sense he was used to having things his way- and for a while I was his ‘attendant’, when I wasn’t already “busy” (with kids or scheduled activities). His behavior worsened, when I yelled or became inflexible.

While this is neither good nor bad, my attention was not reciprocated- unless I broke down or got sick. That in itself was and is a major clue our relationship wasn’t mutually constructive- so don’t hang with those who only pay attention when you’ve falling flat and feel like a failure.

(Here’s where the behavior and words from a man who I ~didn’t know beyond having a professional conversation, is a huge red flag- and why I didn’t want to contact him. That he jumped in to “save” me – with his kind words, but since won’t touch me with a ten foot pole, is typical behavior for narcissist who can’t tolerate others being uncomfortable. Yes, narcissists are empathic too! They’re cued subconsciously- and unwittingly jump in!)

Personally, I’m done being a faceless attendant even if I am “empathic”. Sure I can predict your wants and needs -I might even be able to “heal” you; but I’ve got other things to do. While I notice auras still, I may or may not respond to your confusion or ‘black spots’. Perhaps this will change.

***

Regardless, for those considered narcissist, your lives will be more enriched as you realize your beauty within.  You don’t need others to prove it to you.

Yes, even you have an educable gem- you weren’t really given a chance either. So many judgments and decisions were made when you were young – you’re a pre-cooked (precocious) product of your society’s fixed beliefs.

It’s all too easy for the narcissist to be expected to ‘misbehave’, to think only about his needs and wants, to have tantrums and throw stuff – so he does. For those empathic types facilitating this sort of relationship, this ‘advice’ goes for you too. Try not being quite so available.  Since we are each others’ projection of self-focusing with words on that which we dislike (in this case), are being applied to you too (doubly).

Every so often, my Facebook feed pops up with some very harsh stuff – even though my personal “silo” is mostly filled with light. Usually, it’s women decrying another’s behavior or railing against an institution.

As they articulate their hat-red and dislike in Instagram movies and Ted talks, their face muscles tighten.  They appear to become more angular and severe. Their voice’s pitch rises and loses resonance. They are not speaking from their heart. Their body habitus too is focusing=constricting from their judgment(s).

Like every other activity, with practice they look like that ~all the time. I can think of several once-beautiful women whose words caused self-contorting. Later they sell Botox.

That’s when I “know”, they’re coming from a skewed position- one that denies their own culpability. Meanwhile they’re making painful videos about a thing they want less of- and attracting more of those like-minded.

For both, I’d recommend a nice long silent meditation retreat – see what comes up, for you. Since you can write, I’d recommend journaling. You might be able to change your life’s direction – for even a greater good than you’ve done already. Go out and casually watch some children play. Perhaps, strike up a conversation with a mother- paying attention, without looking, to the child’s energy. They are still so young and pure, their interests aren’t sullied. Children really are a source of vibrant energy!

 After all, with your bright blond or carrot top visage, you naturally attract attention- learn how to parlay it.

If I were a real narcissist – and I have been told so, at least by my son – so there’s probably truth to it, I would (and am) working on what gives a sense of fun and fuels curiosity. That’s a key to becoming more genuine. This will bring back your real sparkle. Learn how to be quiet by yourself.

Since we have so many ways to depict what’s going on outside of us – and almost exclusively use our eyes – explore the environment with another sense.

 Use touch, hearing, and taste; write with your eyes closed so when you’re writing down a dream in the middle of the night, you can write in darkness. You’ll get more from it. Savor everything.

Share your observations openly – as you do, you’ll find those who really resonate with you can be genuine too. This builds a sort of trust. Life will become so much more fun and interesting I promise! Go ahead arouse some spirit!

Being a narcissist you get to do your life. So I recommend everyone consider narcissi’s path for themselves just a little bit (about a 1/12)

[ 1/12 The spirit of Narcissist archetype is of fire- so especially might be represented by Aries, radiated by Leo, and manifest by Sagittarius.

So, as whole balanced beings of energy, technically be about 1/4 of our energy might reflect our king self.

Our will can’t be on all the time -we sometimes need to exhale (quietly).

Let exhalation and release represent your queen-side – soma tuned by Vagus.

We all have a queen-side as we live in a tangible reality. As vessel, ‘she’s’ getting what she needs. While our will can lord over soma self, she’ll get whatever she needs to feel in balance.  Using all her vanities- however she can- at least symbolically.

Sovereignty is subject to day and night conditions- so narcissist stays fueled and ‘happy’- we need be empress too. L’ove your soma self-this includes your collective surroundings.

 Narcissist/empath starts out and is curious about their opposite- which gets them hooked in in the first place. It takes two to tangle in any given moment.

Then, I promise, those big narcissists in your life now, won’t have to be so much that way alone.

They might too, get to have fun doing something new.   Forget about them. Let them find their new chapters -without your attentions.  You get to focus and lead on your life path, rather than outsourcing.

Build your sense of self – in a healthier way.

Mystically:

Let your homes be cool avoid heated discussions and melodrama.

Let the congealed and stuck karmic outside world be “six levels” removed from you when you sit quietly.

 [Please don’t ask me what this means but I imagine something like:

 1)what you see in the mirror -is illusion of your waveform. We see what we’re been trained to see. Practice smiling.

2)your spouse’s waveform likewise is subject to time- and how their feelings are conditioned by their words and thoughts. How they feel isn’t your responsibility – though you might be a better listener (~another 12^th of the time).

3) your kids are in G-d’s form – their karma is not yours- even if they’re embodying you. (Don’t worry, we all have plenty to work through).

 4) your gift of tenancy is that -while there is always work to be done, make time for rest and relaxation. All man’s structures need their tending-including you.

5) Your neighbor’s (and colleague’s) business- their trials and tribulations reflect their own management; learn from them but don’t own their failures (or successes).

6) We haven’t even gotten to school, public government, or how we keep busy. You can see, in the end they’re all irrelevant.

Don’t keep too many mirrors around facing you at eye level. Let them be to double a beautiful part of your house – what you wish you had more of. Before repositioning, first ‘ask’ your mirror where it might best serve you.

What we l’ove creates our matter.

Deep down we are pure.

 Our l’ove energy persists as a toroidal, swirling, shimmering, white, all-the-energies- of-every- planet-at-once rainbow deep in our middle- creates the sparkle on our diamonds- get covered with nacre become pearls with age and maturity.

Follow ‘advice’ you receive, listening all the while to the hearts of  those you’ve been temporarily assigned to- such as your parents, teachers, bosses and coworkers.

***

 We can all gain being like muscari. Then, before you know it, you’ll become hyacinth. Bell by bell, you will wake up and open to sky’s warmth and brightness.

May we have all find our ease (and easels)!

(And if you hear me break out with my funny bird-song-like sounds or dancing when I’m alone without music you’ll know why!)

Blessings. Mashallah Habibi!

PS Next year I’ll get some pictures.

---

[1] Think of the bulb as your family resources; your family roots you might take for granted (or couldn’t – making it an issue; initially anyway). A bulb is plant’s source of inner wellspring and mitochondrial powerhouse – the way money and good relationships make us feel abundant.

[2]   Chilling winds = heartless (at least seemingly to the young child without perspective or awareness of outside context) changes brought on by one’s mind- rational and irrational thoughts.].