It has been 1286 days since I gave Reiki to a man and became possessed after he said suggestive comments when I was both “down” and in a suggestible state. This I received as “cupid’s arrow”- a (golden) energetic shard of entity, that still ricochets.
Until now, this has been experienced as an intense intrusive energy form.
Over these last 3+ years it hasn’t much changed other than noted in my “Scouting Report” and “the End”, (L.D #10 and #13) becoming less overtly intrusive, but more steady; even though it may have been a dream all along.
I’m not fighting it. Though I still have to/get to tell “it” to get lost once in a while.
Even though I thought reaching out to him helped, as in made it less intrusive, writing about it publicly helped to shift my perceptions- which is why I’m writing again.
The man himself, meh, he doesn’t acknowledge me- and I haven’t contacted him since my last “update”.
So when the power or force acts up, I say to ‘it’,
“I’ve reached out to your “master” several times to share what I’m going through, and he’s not interested”.
Even if it abated, it just comes back. So I’ll say aloud, “just give it up”, even sometimes “F*ck you, I hate you”, will pop out of my mouth. (Can you imagine me saying “I hate you” to anyone (?!) Lol; I didn’t until now.)
The “hating” approach doesn’t work- more focuses.
That said, I still say, “I love you too!” several times a day and frequently ‘hear’ mushy love song tunes popping into my head.
And yet, as I accept the futility of my predicament, I surround myself with “love and light”. At least I do my part to clean and shine the house from top to bottom.[2] (See today’s earlier posting.)
As the daemon becomes more constant, it presses less; I’ve even had several visits with family when the subject barely came up.
In fact, even though the abdominal and thoracic sensations of ecstatic rapture continue, I remind myself “I’m getting ready to meet my ‘star’ family” -spirits I ‘met’ astral projecting into the sun. And I have – including my own actual family and some others.
*****
After deciding it was a ‘dream”- and not real (an insight I shared with my ex- who may have discussed with others in his family), my son Sam and I have become reunited[3].
Sam called me out of the blue a few weeks ago and invited himself over- after taking a (much needed) break from me (for the last three years).
He came looking like a modern day “Jesus” with long auburn hair and wearing sandals. He joked others saw him that way too. He probably smelled a little- not good, not bad- but like the kid I know and love.
We chatted for a couple of hours – about quantum energy healing, emotional projection, and power of meditation. He’s now into yoga and cooking vegetarian (Hurray!), and otherwise inching towards cleaner living. (He’s also been micro-dosing with magic mushrooms which is all the rage).[4]
Astrologically we “oppose” each other – meaning our relationship is highlighted (or more often in a bright glare).
He’s a triple Virgo (his sun, moon, and rising sign are in the sign of Virgo) – with both sun and rising conjunct my moon and my ex’s ascendant – at 5 degrees.
Ruled by Mercury, Virgoans tend to be discerning. This can be experienced as ~fault-finding. They can’t help it, they see “faults” others don’t- cracks in our foundations of “logic”. (This helps the rest of us to stay in integrity.) Virgoans are natural priests, healers (especially ‘earth-based’), and ‘dieticians’.
Being the 5th degree, his heart’s spirit (Sun) and perceptions (Ascendant) embody meticulous precision (and purity), subject to change.
(The fifth degree is about tests to whatever the fourth degree manifest – the fourth degree being the primary (and untested) foundation creation energy[5] is “working on”- depending on where and which house the energy/ matter is being applied to– in this lifetime.)
With my sun in “compassionate” Pisces and his (and my ex-‘s) 7th house), and opposing their perceptions and personality[6], it is my spirit that is their teacher- and vice-versa.
In many respects, my ex- , son, and I are the definition of soulmates; so you could say they are my star family (or part of it).
Even my younger son has his 5 Virgo exactly on his IC cusp (4th house)- he has an emotional sense of “home”, is when he’s being meticulous.
As a family collective, we are learning to bring balance to our critical perceptions and perfectionism and become more at ease with Piscean confusing abstractions (and deceptions).
We each bring valuable lessons to the other- such as me trusting but not needing to “see” my son’s Dean’s letter rcommending him to the honor society.)
***
As time’s sand continued to shift, when my younger son Josh’s birthday came, my ex- and Josh both (again) invited me to the old homestead for dinner-along with Sam and the in-laws.
This was the third or fourth invite; I’d declined the rest.
It took a couple of weeks, but finally I said ”yes”-and practiced visualizing a white ball of energy emanating from my house – going to my ex-‘s and back again. (Got to say I ‘saw’ a golden hue in it -which I took to be some karma).
At first I was so nervous I’d need to numb out, I asked them to pick me up- I’d take an Uber back. But then I started to feel more confident and drove myself.
I’m glad I went. The evening was convivial and steaks were delicious. It was wonderful to watch the sunset over a sweeping panorama of the Olympics and Puget sound. (My ex- has a lovely home!)
I stayed emotionally, mentally, and physically intact; drove home safely and woke up refreshed the next day. For me, that’s (huge) progress. And I made peace with them – so there was some karma (good).
Hugs from my sons feel good and are restorative.
(Even my ex- copped a side one recently- which felt weird, but he’s just now biking, yes biking(!) after breaking both kneecaps a few months ago, in Spain with his girlfriend Roxi. I think he’s getting engaged.)
***
Along the lines of meeting my “star family” I revisited having a psychic draw my “twin flame” since the last one that looked quite similar to a much younger version (like in his 20s) of L.D. who seems unlikely to work out after all[7].
This is a drawing based on my astrology chart – and what my mirror double might look like- or so that’s the advertisement. So the psychic might be channeling (what psychics do) or might be looking at my astro chart- or both.
The new “twin flame” is ~ 12 (maybe 24) years older than me. (I have a theory my twin flame soul mate might share Jupiter’s sign). He is so old it looks like his skin is in hiding from too much sun- as in is deeply wrinkled. He looks like the homeless men I see, or maybe a farmer.
After the shock wore off, I realized he does look quite like a 75+ year old version of my early childhood sweetheart Jace (which also happens to be the name of the construction guy I refer to in the footnote #7).
So I put his picture next to the other one. Both have warm smiles and twinkly eyes. Maybe he’d be lovely after all.
***
These past few months there is a cute guy who’s caught my eye in (on-line) ballet. He’s probably in his mid-30s.
He has a lovely baritone voice and a biblical name. He is congenial with fellow classmates- I overhear him every so often drawing others out with chit-chat before class starts. I love his quiet confidence and sense of humor. (He’s got to be/have both- how else does one pull off being manly while wearing tights)?
Today he did several triple pirouettes which are fun to watch.
He even came to Seattle for a visit. So who knows, maybe some day I’ll go to Washington D.C. and meet him. At least we can talk about ballet.
***
Lastly Pam Gregory, an astrologer in the U.K. who is really quite good, speaks to a positive aspects of even challenging planetary combinations by using a mantra that’s helpful. She recites it often ~ 20x a day. “I open myself to love in all its expressions of form and its manifestations spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical”.
I use it whenever I get the surges, then it dissipates.
SO there you have it- my soul retrieval update – although I’m working on some other (secret) projects to support my inner beliefs (bee – leafs), I dare not breath them lest utterance weaken my resolve.
Mashallah habibi -even if he’s a dream- or nightmare.
[1] Day 0 was All Saint’s Day Nov 1, 2019 when Pluto was conjunct my Mars (and a slew of other stuff).
[2] My cleaning skills have improved; I still have a ways to go.
[3] Reunions are ~always helpful; mending fractures serves both parties. Even annexing whole countries could be seen as ultimately for the highest good (as long as the mutual benefits are emphasized and is done diplomatically). Gaia wants to be “whole” again; She longs for Pangea.
[4] I knew, by report, he’s “medicating”micro-dosing” with psilocybin- which he enthusiastically shares (both stories and mushrooms!). I’m glad he’s off antidepressants and Concerta/Ritalin and still doing well in school. I hope he continues to emphasize the healthy living approach! And to laugh more.
[5] Each planet can be thought of as an energy. The sun is energy of our spirit. The moon, our emotional body, is ~energy of soul (and how we express ourself when triggered by mirror neurons).
Where they (and the other planetary bodies) are placed in the chart (which house they’re in- and the condition of its ruler) describes how they manifest.
[6] As the seventh house is “opposite” the first, we can be startled by others who seem contrary. My spirit as a wife and parent, in mutable Pisces, is changeable – which looks like moody (even if my emotions (moon) are in governed by a similar discernment as their personality –It doesn’t mean I “like” them). With a Virgo moon, can get meticulous and critical when I’m being defensive or otherwise feeling threatened.
[7] Though two men, both their mid-to-late 20s, one a friend of my older son, and the other a worker who helped remodel the kitchen, ~ propositioned me.
One texted me directly (very directly – literally a minute after I finished an on-line “healthy love” course where one of the speakers did a ‘healing’ for all participants so that they become ~sexier. Wow! Is what I thought at the time- talk about synchronicity/ “coincidences”).
The other asked me several times, after all the work was done and he was on his way home, if he could “help” me with anything – after earlier watching me while (very) silently taking down the plastic dust drape separating the dining and living room. (It was hot with no AC – I was wearing a spaghetti strap tank top- so a bit bared.)
I said, “no” to both; but saved the text just in case I change my mind.
***
