Letting Go, or Trying to…again (L.D.# 4)

I’ve tried to let the Love Daemon Entity go with banishing rituals, over a thousand dollars in therapy bills, and yet, here I am 10 months later still possessed by a spirit with eyes. Ugh, it fills me with passionate love, sadness, and desperate longing- often several times a day- that is where the terrible part comes in; it has been very distracting even when I’m doing other stuff, not unlike having a tic. 

With Summer going into Fall, it seems a good time to shed comfortable delusions.

Back story: I was set up to get possessed by his Love Daemon spirit entity when I gave him a Reiki session. After prolonged quiet touch, several tender phrases, and an eye melt, a cupid’s arrow from him ‘jumped’ into a deep part of my heart. It has been filling me ever since; I sense a cord from my left foot that keeps me tethered to him. It keeps reestablishing itself.  And did I say he’s possessive too? I’m giving him the ‘right of first refusal’, since his entity got ‘jealous’ when I flirted with someone at the grocery store.

I have lost my mind[1]about this; I’ll admit it. Despite ignoring, banishing, engaging, and asking the entity what it wants (with the intention I will thank it for it’s lesson so it can depart). It persists. Regarding the experience, I sent him a note and a couple of letters in the interim – all asking him to relieve me of his entity- by saying “no”. Actually visited in June and asked point blank, if he had any interest in having any sort of relationship, using his words again. To which he answered, “I didn’t have any preconceptions or known intentions when I made the Reiki appointment,” referring to our encounter those seven months back. Not once discounting any observations or sensations of our experience as I related them. Did not say “no” he had no interest. Nor did he utter the word “no”, but in fact said, “take the experience where it leads you”! 

So at the urging of my counselor, who has witnessed my continuing anguish from this ‘dis-integrity’, I gave him a letter last week requesting (begging) him to tell me, “no… I don’t want a relationship” or “yes”, by the end of the weekend.

Further, (she urged me to be very specific with my directions- he’d ignored these requests for closure) If I didn’t hear from him, that I’d call him on Monday. If “yes,” he should plan on seeing me face-to-face at the end of the week.

Keeping my word, I wrote out the scripts – both leaving a message or speaking to him. That morning, before my second on-line ballet class, I called and was told there was no voicemail and he was busy; but they’d take a message. As I dictated, the receptionist got flustered and handed the phone over to the office manager who accused me of unprofessionalism, harassment, and she might call the police; that he’d already made that point clear when I saw him in June. She did agree to see something would be done about my message.

Well it’s good to know her side of it and what he’d told her… but f*ck he’s a jerk!(?)

[1]The plan is when Covid’s more manageable, I hope I can be exorcised and go reintegrate in Nepal or near similar mountains. My writing may become tainted while I do feel a little bitter, so I’ll limit myself…once again.

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