Healing

Personal trauma, abuse, loss, other experiences that result in versions of PTSD, create, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wounding of all auric layers during the time and processing of the primary ‘event’. Recall that auric layers are the electromagnetic and quantum manifestation of our (coherent) beingness. The more existential the wound, the deeper the impact and the more shattering to the subconscious sense of “order” and “rules”. Bruce Lipton touches on this in his book, the “Biology of Belief”.

Research documents epigenetic changes occurring in the offspring from wounds of their grandmothers with genome silencing that persists and is mirrored in subsequent generations. That means a gene is silenced, as it no longer serves. We don’t understand the full impact of this, but we definitely lose an element of adaptability, perhaps even access to perception of non-threatened state. This creates psychic rewiring.

At the moment of primary wounding, the crystallinized version of our reality is shattered. Our subconscious processes the situation and is forced to create a new set of “rules” in order to avoid future and further damage. As wounds occur in time and space in association with people, places and things, sensory cues of perception form our reality*[1], and become associated with the primary event. This creates a psychic scar or, if you will, a psychic snake- which is actually how memories form (from snakes that get associated with each other). In this case, it is a big, fat, and ugly snake. 

Intuitive healers with natural ability to detect rips, wounds, leaks, and other non-fluid aspects of the aura, can feel these with their hands and in their bodies. Empaths especially can “see” them – as many empaths were ‘trained’ to deeply observe from their own wound histories.

The wound of betrayal and rejection from one’s mother at the age of 3 – 4, is profound. Parents are our G-ds as young children. They create our lives… and can create our deaths (which a 4 year old can understand). Later significant authority figures take their place.

Defects in the aura persist and build over time in response to symbolically analogous situation and events. As we try to protect ourselves, our subconscious is scanning the environment for cues that could result in further wounding. This is a magnetizing force. When we notice something, our being and attention is attracted to the avoidance. This creates a quantum force. Anything we pay attention to, in any way, as a craving or aversion, becomes stronger in us and tends to create further interactions, even recreating events similar to the original, in order to reassure us that the ‘rule’ is still valid. All of this is subconscious processing. There can be NO BLAMING.

For example, say you are eating dinner at home, having roast beef, the table set with a green tablecloth, and with your family members. You get devastating news that changes your life. All the cues in your environment will become subconsciously linked to this moment, creating a virtual entity. The sights, smells, textures, and all conscious and unconscious sensory stimuli at that moment become crystallized in an association. Consider it to be segmented snake of energy consciousness if you will.

Down the road, there will be automatic (reactive) tension  formed in your body when you are seated at a table with green tablecloth, seated with specific people, or served that specific food. You can’t help it. Tension creates rigidity and decreases our abilities to adapt. If anything goes wrong at those subsequent meals, the entity strengthens and new cues are added to the previous. Our snake can become like an angry octopus.

For me, my radar was out for the hostile abusive woman or abused women themselves. Over my years as a clinician, no matter how I tried, until I could COMPLETELY forgive my mother, these women would in some way trigger me and my reptilian brain would start taking over. At least I’d feel very distressed- feelings that I’d often carry with me. Emotionally relating to abused women often made me feel helpless and sad. This usually supported me getting a nice big glass of wine at night after doing a too-long run.

For many, cues can be triggers for migraine, heart attack, asthma, flaring of any chronic ‘illness’, and panic disorder. The usual patient has no idea this is happening or why. All illnesses serve. The question is how does it serve you? What activity is curtailed or avoided, what activities increase?

As life happens and we inevitably have these points triggered, it can be very similar to going into a black hole. Perspective of life and all the wonderful things of our reality, warp and shrink. One is caught in an inexorable swirl of negative emotion. No doubt this is a neuro-sensory event. For me, this feels like despair and worthlessness; others may feel anger, guilt, or shame. We will do whatever to relieve ourselves fueling all –oholisms, and addictions.

Energy practitioners can detect and repair these auric wounds in people, granting some relief.  Unfortunately (or not, if you like billing a lot) unless the underlying and deepest wound is healed, energetic scars and leaks tend to recreate and accumulate. 

Triggers that resonated with my original wounding often created brief feelings of suicidality. These usually weren’t persistent, as I would return to my practice of Buddhist belief that this was my karma and ‘I’m not getting out of it’, with death. Later I used gratitude and forgiveness to break the spell. With the divorce though, it was different. A part of my inner being almost did die. I’m just realizing now that my Divine feminine has become a wraith (white of course, but extremely weak). My Divine masculine is doing all the heavy lifting!

Cupid’s arrow was for her- meaning my DF. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

In astrophysics, it is mathematically suggested that black holes shrink up to nearly nothing when they ‘swallow a star’ or sun. It then loses its attractive pull and becomes quiescent, meaning it loses its ability to attract. It’s no longer a black hole and can no longer suck in light bodies!

During one of my “love daemons” amorous encounters, I went into my astral body to “see” him energetically. Scanning his etheric chakras I found that his first and second (tribe and family) were normal – meaning like mine. The third chakra (solar plexus) was yellow with green hue, again like mine and many healers and teachers.

Looking at his heart chakra, I was blinded. It was like looking into the sun. I had to turn away (in my imagination).

Now if one considers chakra strength and opening on a scale of 1-10, reflecting underlying health (the quantum summation of all energy bodies feeding that chakra), and openness, my receptive heart chakra, was like a “2” (as an attuned healer, I can channel very large forces according to several clients). My marriage kept it safe, because husband’s was the same, in his case he didn’t give much more than a “2”. We both overcompensated by being of measurable worth. This was what attracted us in the first place. Over time though, my heart chakra did become stronger (thanks to Reiki, and the unconditional love of my children especially when they were babies and nursing).

So for me, that blinding brilliance could reflect that my daemon’s heart being a “4”, which would still be far brighter and more powerful than mine! It is a relative experience.

If I had a healthier heart self, no deep wounds from early child abuse, say baseline a 6 or 7, it would take someone with a heart of 9 or 10, to be wowed like I was, and to feel loved unconditionally. Or maybe my “love daemon’s” heart really is a ten. I don’t know- not actually knowing this person otherwise.

As an exercise, I chose to recall that brilliance into my heart several times a day and to feed it with works of loving compassion, especially to another human.  We humans can be G-d-like to each other with our words and actions and many have created miracles as a result. This is a tenet of the twelve step programs and has proven itself time and again. I’m pretty sure that this healing or initiation was necessary for my survival and showed me that opening to love, while can be painful when lost, won’t kill me now. Never mind the timing is so suspect. 

For this experience of possession by a ‘love daemon’, I am very grateful, even as his rejection in reality was excruciating!

All emotional responses serve to show us our personal mirrors. There are no accidents or coincidences. If something is disturbing us, it’s like a message from the universe pointing to areas we can heal. As Mr. Rogers says, “all mans’ problems can be managed”.


[1]Our perception of the world requires physical structures and sensory receptors specific for our lineage. They evolve in relation to the physical world of our ancestors. These senses that helped survival are selected for over generations. A person whose family grew up near a desert can perceive numerous shades of tan. Inuits have 30 names for snow. Yet they are fallible. For instance men, often see the color blue, and think that’s the end of it, women may see 20 shades! Our noses smell pheromones very specifically. Pain perception varies greatly between cultures. These structures are reptilian and mammalian, meaning our subconscious processes the information without any cognitive input and can short-circuit us and higher cortical (human) thinking and responsiveness.  

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