MD fashioning her future – Who I am and why I’m here

Hi, I’m an MD who has jumped off the corporate ship of medicine. Having been a close follower of SCIENCE, I realize that medicine, as practiced today, is not reflecting up-to-date SCIENCE. Developments in molecular biology and quantum physics that prove we are all connected… and that your body is an energetic template of everything you touch, taste and feel from your environment and foods.

There was a lot of pain in my early years, after a childhood steeped in misery, but science and math were clear and had “right answers”. Observable and measurable, studies reassured me there was  rhyme and reason to outcomes, even if the system was complicated. I was fed the faith that eventually everything could be broken down into smaller bits until becoming a pure system.  Even humans (or their organs anyway).

Naturally very curious,  I was a physics and math major in university, graduated from a rigorous program in cell and molecular biology and worked in cutting edge biotechnology labs.  I love clinical medicine, meaning taking care of people – and still love science and researching the newest basic science research on the micro-biome, taste receptors, and psychoneuroimmunology.

During my 25+ years of clinical medicine, I ‘made’ a lot of people ‘better’. Their labs and diagnostics got better anyway.  But often chronically unhappy, they seemed to get new ailments pretty often. There had to be more to healing than correcting numbers and pixels!

Reading, “New England Journal” and “The Medical Letter” regularly,  made me aware of the slim improvements most treatments and meds had over the “placebo” effect.  Maybe in some cases ‘lifesaving’, there is not a single drug without a laundry list of serious side effects. And we are starting to realize that each molecule affects the physical biome as it’s metabolized!

What is healing anyway? More relevantly, what is the placebo effect?

As aging, chronic back pain, and anxiety got the better of me, I knew I needed to heal myself of my own anger, grief, and bitterness. Yes, that would be, “physician heal thyself”.

There is a saying in yoga, “you’ve waited your whole life for this moment”. While easy to grasp when the going is good, that message can be difficult to accept when life doesn’t seem so fair.

Each of us came into being as an energetic entity. Imagine the energy of the first instance as we connect with egg and sperm. The machinery that engages is AWESOME. That power is greedy and drives you into full formation. But you are born into a virtual box.

Your family has expectations. Your tribal culture defines you by it’s laws. Your environment feeds you. Kind of like Japanese watermelons grown in a crate. They are perfect blocks, and they  reflect their environments perfectly.  Imagine how they might grow without artificial constraints!

Your family is the first ‘higher power’ that you must acknowledge, love, and inevitably grieve as you realize they are imperfect.

Shaming, blaming, fear, and unresolved grief cripple the human spirit and create limiting beliefs that blind you from  your own potential and also of others -especially those who seem different from us on the outside. Our particular culture in the west, has such narrow definition of being worthy, that a majority of us are miserable and feeding all kinds of addictions in response.

Your body has cellular memory of your deepest truths, and in trying to keep you safe,  covers up and partitions those that are “unacceptable”. Leading to virtual areas  becoming solidified and dis-eased. Try scanning (with your imagination) deep inside you abdomen from the outside in, and you’ll experience what I mean!

Living in your fullness requires acknowledging your human limitations. It means forgiving yourself for your shortcomings. It means loving every molecule of your being as it is! Then, and only then can you safely release unnecessary habits. With our global community and challenges, we are all in need of each other and what each of us brings to the table.  This is what seems to have been most forgotten as we pitch headlong into the technological age grasping at the illusion of a perfect world.

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