L.D. another last one
How does one ‘argue’ with the sheer fact that several times a day they are energetically intruded by an intense deeply loving sensation of entity – that persists after these five years, even now as I’m writing?!
What does one say to that?! To frigging day in and day out – of kisses and nuzzling by a guy with hair on his lips? Sometimes accompanied by the aroma of mild body odor (but not acrid). Because that’s what it has been like to have the sense of being spiritually possessed in my aura.
Of course, I say “thank you G-d” for everything, because yes, all is Inshallah.
And also all is our physical manifestation of planetary principles tangible in the 3D.
Ever since 2019-Neptune was ‘on my sun’ (dissolving my sense of ego) and Pluto destroyed (conjuncted) Mars, (anything I wanted or cared about- leaving only that which was of l’ove and real for me) my life dissolved.
For both Neptune and Pluto, aspects seem to last a couple of years when you consider the before, during, and after period. Both take months to resolve. And then there’s the aftermath, when things need to be sorted out as we re-integrate. Always the transformation is experienced as freeing eventually- once we release the pain and suffering which are two different things.
By the time I “lost” all that Pluto assailed, none hurt and I was ready to release them. Then 4 weeks after my ex- asked for the divorce, I met my Love Daemon, the man. He I can’t really shake – though I still try – to shut off from my twin flame – or whatever he is (lol, Satan).
Any void I had from my ‘losses’ – was filled by exquisitely intense sensations – like being continuously tenderly honed with sandpaper in a delicious sort of way of his hands and face especially. One could (still) say they were incessant.
For me, having attempted to discorporate the entity (an actual living man I don’t know or hold dear) and his spoken message, many, many times, each day I’m farther along the path of “knowing thyself” and “l’oving myself” unconditionally – than ever before. Or at least I hope so.
Really, loving myself unconditionally as I “get to” experience learning from mistakes and flaking out incompletes, I realize all is part of expanding l’ove I must have for myself. Though the lesson and manner of being taught continues to feel bizarre.
Whenever I do what I ‘know’ to be healthy and right, even if it’s just making a green or salad, ‘he’s’ right there giving me my gold star hug and kiss and I find myself saying “I love you” out loud.
“His” holds are nearly constant- and intrusive. Though I try to “love” him back (then of course he backs off). Naturally this takes focus, time and effort – since I’ve no real life practice, I’m looking at that with a new on-line counselor.
Seriously-though, could it get any better?! Well maybe if there were a real live being… but as I look around me and see such impossibly entitled men I think, “NOT!”
My sons take the cake (yup, guess who trained them?!).
Just today, three guys at the supermarket in some ham-handed way tried to get my attention – mostly by being rude and coming into my space. Barf. I almost said it out loud. When they acknowledge me my pushing or stepping into the space of a perfect stranger, what does that bode for any relationship? I wager it predicts someone who invades your space or is abusive.
At this point if they said, “man hater” they’d sadly be accurate, even though I know where this socialization came from, doesn’t make it easier.
But it’s all ‘good’ – everything is ‘right where it should be’ on this this Valentine’s day.
Blessings!
Dr. Jen
