[It is so funny I felt called to write this essay- I’m often passive. Initially I wrote this with Juneteenth in 2023- the original essay is still on my website].

That day, which seems like yesterday but really is over a year ago, I put L.D.13.2 on my mystery man’s actual windshield – a perfect example of ‘using’ my Zayin. I made a choice to do- though I haven’t since.

No sooner did I get home when lyrics from Eurythmics popped into my head.  It was Annie Lennox singing “talk to me like lovers do” (from “Here Comes the Rain Again”).

This is one of those corny ear worms I get periodically now since being “possessed”. I don’t typically listen to the radio.

And yet it reminds me of a good feeling I’ve had before when I was talking to my lover. Not him. Another man. (So far my mystery man has only seen me upset after our fateful visit -if it even happened. But my son says I’m gaslighting myself – so maybe it did.)

*

Those lyrics are a good reminder of how we ‘should’, as in, “she would if she could”, speak to each other.

Truthfully, I’m not sure how! I can speak roughly at times. And now after 4+ years living in silence, I’m not sure what’s going to come out!

I’ve heard that Mormons teach their children to speak with “honey tongues”, so maybe I should ask them? And I’ve listened to Native Americans speak to their children-their intonations are generally kinder than the Americans. The Germans and Arabs, I’m sad to say sound quite harsh (at least to my ears). I wonder how they feel sweetness with words?

Naturally the French sound the loveliest- to me it isn’t any mystery that they lead the world in Art and Beauty -and have a thinner populace despite their gastronomic success. Not everyone has to maximize self-soothing after listening to their language- even when it’s unkind, I bet.

The Austrians and Nepalese warmly greet each other, and any passing visitor, regardless of who you are. (Especially with the latter, when you’re grungy from trekking and someone still has a jolly greeting, “Namaste” said from a loud belly – is definitely uplifting. Especially if you’ve a few more miles to go!)

A few thees and thous, might be soothing too…we all love a little cooing.

(Maybe that’s what Annie L. means.)

Though as I continue to be flooded with his lips, eyes, and hands- morning noon, and night (seriously – when will it stop? I feel like I’m married to him!), I’m starting to say, besides, “I love you too”, now “It’s good to ‘see’ you!” and “Thank you for that tender touching!” “You’re a treasure.” “I love that!” Instead of yelling and screaming in recoil –which is how I spent my first two years.]

***

Words and actions create percussive vibrations. This includes transmission of touch and consonants. How one receives such signal depends on whether our energies are open or constricted.

When we are blocked, receptors once opened, are epigenetically suppressed. Or maybe they have not yet manifest from DNA’s multi-dimensional supercoiled double helix.

They can be (re-) opened. Yes, there is hope!

*

Zayin ז refers to that which is active, “visible”, and tangible- from creating outcomes that can be witnessed by another’s waveform’s senses.

Using our will with our ‘we-a-pon’ Zayin, we ask for, take, or accept- in order to receive something. Even if a thing is freely offered, we must use our ‘will’ to say, “yes, please” or “no, thank you”.  Then our words are a tool for diplomacy. (Di-plo-macy= giving each other plumes, mutual feathers in our caps.)

When it is not our will to do a thing, such as when an overlord forces, coerces or cajoles, we might “misbehave” from not being in alignment. When we are denied the use of our tools, either from ignorance or repression, we are shut down. This is a healthy (adaptive) response when stuck in an unhealthy situation; we are creatures of 3D too.

*

When we deploy our Zayin ז, or Zain, we’re acting as judge and jury. We have decided on a thing we must or wish to change- based on Yesod’s treasure house of images -our DNA’s memories both inherited and epigenetic experiences, and filtered by our Tipheret’s heart.

Rather than trusting our needs as already met and waiting for surprises, or living the way we see ourselves in our dreams –as counseled in the book “The Secret”, by the Law of Attraction, we seek something outside to do it for us. We might use a food or drug or something similar, even over-exercising, to make us feel different to take us out of our “now”; maybe we’ll post a letter we can never retrieve (like I did in my imagination to my L.D. man).

When we make decisions – choose one path or one side, over another, we are going against at-one-ment. And against being in union- acceptance. This is OK and needed to grow. But one day, you might find yourself out on a limb, because of a set of consonants thoughtlessly chosen or words on a piece of paper.

Then, since water seeks it’s own level, the other one makes their not-so-clear-eyed response – and Lamed sets in. You receive the weight of judgment. [1]

Frankly, I’d rather do this now, be judged by those I’ve spoken or wounded, than at the end of my life when I get the “review” and feel sad (=denser) from my memories bringing me guilt, shame, blame or resentments which I can’t/didn’t let go off.

These feelings will bring me back to reincarnate on the earth plane as they affect us spiritually.

 So get everything cleared up as you go! As you can. Then turn it over – knowing its in G-d’s hands and let it go anyway. You’ll have done your best.

*

There are no accidents or mistakes; we are here to learn from everything. But some ways are easier than others to get the same or similar result.

There are better ways for you and your loved ones to live and thrive, we just might not know them. Often it is wise to separate from a clan or tribe, to go on a quest to find your own integrity. This includes the necessary task of leaving your collective of family – and venturing al(l)-one out.

 If you’re lucky, you might get to go to a university – a collection of different colleges, where you will get to choose a major. Or you might join a service –inculcated to do a mission and then go visit another country.

You’ll be more with your offering of “medicine”. Quests are for sure a Zayin activity! When I’ve gotten inklings of going to a strange place as “being important” or “good” for me, I go; the universe (always) makes it possible.

From there you gain a new perspective (unless you’re expert at astral projecting, you’ll probably need to physically visit.)

For example, when I was a third-year medical student, I got feeling sick – felt I couldn’t digest well; was not at all my normal state. I visited an Indian vegetarian restaurant – as I thought I’d try it- an inner voice told me “I’d feel better afterwards (if not cured)”.

As I sat there with my vegetarian Thali surrounded by pictures of the Himalaya, another thought came to me – I must go there to be “healed”. (Recall I was a completely emancipated ‘foster child’ – even though I was 27; I didn’t have much for financial resources. I had no idea how I could possibly do that though I might have had some small amount of savings – from my previous lab job- which I was prepared to spend.)

Within a couple of months, my grandmother passed away leaving me a few thousand dollars. My then boyfriend who worked for an adventure company, agreed it would be fun to go to Nepal together.

I bought the books and studied them. I started to make the arrangements. At the last minute, before I’d bought his airplane ticket, he backed out citing some personal f’ears.

 As it had been my idea to go – I went anyway. Going al(l)-one took courage and chutzpah.

And yes, I did see the root of my misery- the lack of ~constant touch. Nepalis are naturally physically close to each other. I’m sharing my “medicine” now – with anyone who’ll tune me in- since my collective is humanity.

***

Another way to hone you Zayin, might be to ‘inventory’ a day a week, or a month.

Carry a little 3×5 – one side “+” the other side “-“. Each time you feel lifted or lowered annotate it appropriately. (This is from Natalie Ledwell’s MindMovies course I took on improving self-esteem which I found quite helpful.)

At the end of the day, week, month, look back and see how you could have more “+” and fewer “-“.

*

 Over time there will be patterns. Take especial note of days when you feel less ease (as in dis-eased). When that happens, something is (deeply) triggering your subconscious.  Find out what that is – and stop doing that particular thing- it could be about the people, the place, or the thing. But maybe not the other two!

*

If there are lots of “+”s, then you know you’re on the right track. According to Carolyn Myss, you won’t be depleting your (energy) bank. You’re probably feeling pretty good most ~ 85%, of the time.

*

On the other hand, if filled with “-“s, consider this a sign (literally), it’s time to reframe stuff.  While you might not get to ‘stop’ doing a thing (yet), as there’s a facet you still need, instead you must shift your perspective.

For being ‘stuck’, you might observe a friend, or someone who’s cheerfully doing the thing you’re disliking- to find out their secret- or ask a counselor or maybe a member of your clergy. 

Or in time, pay that happy person to do it for you!

(Sadly, I must advice against visiting doctors for advice – for now they’re only going to give you a drug- and they’ve been trained not to trust themselves; they alas, cannot teach you well or add to your we’ll-ness.)

*****

Some Christians use Zain to name Zayin.

Without a “y”, our we-a-pon is used without Ayin. Without the eye, to see front back and side-to-side, we miss the ‘big’ picture. Zayin without Y, suggests we-a-pon used while responding to feelings and emotions, without context or broader intelligence.

***

Imagine ten “blind” men trying to judge how best to “control” a rampaging elephant. They wouldn’t be able to describe him at all to each other – to harness or work as a team. But instead must run away from it and each other, to avoid being wounded by it (or the other’s eyeless weapons). They need to build barriers.

Blind, they can’t aim or corral.

They aren’t able to harness or utilize said elephant until he, the elephant, settles down, which he will. Even elephants get tired after a while. He’ll have time on his side.

Think how much more good a well-treated elephant might do- than one mistreated!

As people stay small and un e-duced, greater society loses out which is really my point. We all have a rampaging elephant which has been kept locked up.

***

When Zayin ז is invoked by magician’s words, getting attention, with voice that spells and makes curses, our inner heart G-d hears everything as meant for itself.

My ‘blade’ is sharp and somehow unerring. Its hilt has fancy gold inlay – a reflection of my excellent ‘training’ -firsthand experiences from witnessing in my family, schools, and universities interactions. Even with random strangers, I often (subconsciously) ‘know’ exactly ‘what to say’, where to touch another to press their special weak or tender buttons- so they disembowel and spill their guts all over me.

Call it a skill – I really can’t help it! It’s my gift and version of synesthesia.

*

If we’re already feeling impoverished- perhaps we overheard someone speaking badly (or well) about a thing we cherish or love, we might allow Dalet’s ד gate to open channeling Chokmah’s phallic thrusting power to defend (or enjoin) a self. It happens from time to time. One’s Supernals get activated. Then, Binah’s city of pyramids gets a big charge and voila.

We might make a snappy comeback. Moments of insecurity can make us start “wishing” out loud. Such as, “I wish (la,la, la) would happen to blah,blah,blah” in a moment of  insanity, (being out of our sense), we speak nonsense which is senseless (and which would shock us if we really acted out in life what we were saying).

Once conceptualized, a wish is version of incantation. It’s only time until incarnation – whatever that looks like. So always wish for things you want!

Stop wishing for what you don’t want. Stop naming all the “bad” stuff going on the world that is not in your local collective.

But (and this is a big but), instead of focusing on these issues as they appear, address the core and root of them- since they are triggering you. So no, just because you stop talking about them, they won’t just fly away to Mars- even if we wish that were the answer! Festering will continue until dis-ease is extracted by its roots.

*

The rabbis remind us once we are born, from Binah’s yoni, we are destined to die- which is why they regard Binah as sadness and some even consider “e-vil”, as well it’s’ ‘ruler’ Saturn.   Saturn’s  time and gravity is technically more guide and handrails than any overpowering overlord (which is Pluto). Dying is easy for one doing – the sadness is for everyone else!

With this focus, they (and the imams and astrologer’s) overlook our reincarnation’s greatness- and what we’ll do – in this 3D lifetime!!! 

Focused on placating an unseen immeasurable world and paying homage to invisible G-d without balance, they  forget His kin(d) are all around.

Like a thing birthed, once words are emanated, they can’t be taken back. At least waveforms can die and transition to a new energy form.

At the moment of intonation – words take on life that can perpetuate (until and even if amends are made).  But then, as we are at all times in His hand, even if it feels a bit clenched at times, trust your words are for your highest good. Your (and their) bruises will fade.

Using our we-a-pons doesn’t leave one feeling proud standing tall. Fear and insecurity are usually at the root of feeling uncomfortable about another’s behavior. Even me putting that letter on my mystery man’s car – is a sign of me not having faith. Period, there I said it.

 Maybe I did it to piss him off-because I am still mad. I saw the way he tossed it later- like a piece of smelly trash!

 And make no mistake, you brought out their dark side, as I brought out his, very specifically – even if you “didn’t mean to”.

When the dust settles, and we regain our senses after we have been charmed or duped, by someone misusing their charisma for example, as a we-a-pon, rather than mutually sharing in a natural convergence of ideas, folks aren’t usually left in a “win-win” position.

Terms aren’t often what they are – or perhaps there is a lot of fine print. Then you know the other’s hiding a thing; not everyone gets equal spoils or tribute to their contribution- the way things are currently. Although, compared to 100 years ago, in many ways life is more equal;

Many more of us are coming around to the idea and spirit of (personal) Divinity (hurray!).

So to use Zayin ז as weapon in words or deed implies at least momentarily- you forget to have faith. Forgetting there is G-d in everything – and that interactions are meant to serve –Him (spelled with Heh ה, Yod י, Mem מ), for our highest and greatest good at all times- and for L’ove’s freedoms.

The task is nonetheless for you to find truth’s cookie crumbs- and deal with them maturely. Truths -tangible witnessed outcomes, are not forgotten (which is why feuds persist).

Instead of standing there and listening quietly- using Tzadik’s צ hook to seduce and attract then tease out nuance, our western media trains to de-fend or off-end- to use actions including arms, legs, or mouth never mind keyboard, to (push off) or take from however-considered smaller energy beings, AKA, “the little people” or “masses”.

Using your we-a-pon against those less informed (in your wished-for form or not- wished-for form) is not equality, nor any version of being “Christian”(!!!). And your soma will pay even more than theirs.

*

Unlike Nun נ ן , Tzadi צ ץ , Kaph  כ ך  , or Peh פ  ף, letters[8] which elongate and extend when placed at a word’s end, so one notes their emphasis, Zayin  ז doesn’t.

The most passive, like me- who’d rather absorb like a sponge, just so you’ll go on (and I don’t have to reveal myself), might then go home to dump and/or squeeze myself out. My family collective might experience this emotional releasing( in my own personal, non-status conscious, obscurity) as unpleasant. But my passivity was learned.

With family, I have learned to use Zayin gently.  I must try, then I’ll have fewer regrets to keep me stuck in the past- by their recollections of harmful words or things I did.

If you can manage well with your family, you can manage anyone.

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[1] (Lamedל  , as keeper of one’s groovy way (and rutted path), weighs behavior and reality- against Hod’s blueprint- our ideal. Lamed imposes on self or other what should, as in “she would, if she could do”.

Hod emanates from Mem – sea of limitless vibrational potential, combined with Ayin’s tangible heart’s wants, crystalized from Netzach’s emotions. With that, soma is waiting for its favored  (coherent) vibrations – which it knows from deep in its lineage. Conscious self, alas, does not). The opposite (add “not” instead) is true too.

Hod fills in the details – provided by Yesod‘s treasure house of images (which governed by the moon, waxes and wanes). Peh’s  פ refined e-motions and Netzach’s victorious energy, as seen by Ayin ע eyes. Samech, unity from patience – These together, and nearly simultaneous, form Tav/Tau’s path. (Recall Malkuth, our 3D reality, is a combination of the physical corpus, Qoph, with Shin our fire body (specific mitochondrial organs of energy) which support Tav/Tau like staves.

Whether and how we engage depends on our~ shins.  Shins propel are feet. Our shins, and Shin ש, are energy of our ancestral self.

Qoph’s ק projections how we appear in density. What happens in Malkuth depends on Tau’s ת timing as Tau’s ת path is ruled by Saturn and is the manifestation of the four fixed energies: Aquarius (man’s incarnate energy mental, physical and emotional vibrational form), Taurus (beauty, breath, embodiment of our magician’s Beth/Beis). Scorpio (death and rebirth, our eagle/phoenix of self), and Lion (royalty and courageous spirit). These fixed energy forms power our astrological cross of matter and inform Tau’s path to create our destiny.

Only then, does a thing become density – tangible and measurable.