How do you manage stress?

(Personal experiences)

I manage stress these days by having less of it. If I voluntarily go to an event or interact with someone who raises my blood pressure, has be second-guessing myself, or gets me anxious or upset for no apparent reason, I listen to that. I don’t go back. For me that’s not a healthy situation.

I used to be stressed by rushing. Now I allow extra time for red lights, school crossings, school buses, and other slow downs. I try to arrive 5 minutes early. Some call this anxiety – I call it adding ease to my measurements.

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Stress for me also comes for having painful sensations and stiffness. Pain makes me feel irritable, slow, and unable to react quickly. Then it’s harder to gracefully pivot.

I used to dance at a ballet studio, which is typically filled with very driven, perfectionist, bun-wearing individuals- all trying to perform somebody else’s (the teacher’s) exacting choreography – whilst looking beautiful in the mirror- just like me.

And when I didn’t, I’d feel as if I’d fallen short. At the end of a rocky turn, there be a lot of teeth gritting, grimacing, and tense shoulders. Once there, they tended to last.

This is just like me too as deep down, I am always trying to be a people pleaser.

Being there would always bring out my competitive streak. I’d try extra hard to have the most pointed feet and look as competent as possible while I stood at the end relying on my memory of the teacher’s combination. I didn’t typically follow anyone else; I tried to only look at myself in the mirror and not anyone else. Of course that is impossible.

With muscular control, I’d make my body as tight and hard as possible- for something that really in the long run really didn’t matter at all. I am no professional ballerina! I take class for the exercise, music, and camaraderie. Sharing physical space with others doing the same while under duress of managing my body with rapid repetitions and long holds in uncomfortable positions makes tough exercise more bearable.

And then for the next couple of days after an intense class, I’d be pretty tired and sore. I’d take extra medications. I’d almost always have to take a nap when I did it on the weekends. That cut out another couple of productive hours when I could have been spending time with family.

So stopping studio ballet was a big change and really helpful. Plus it reduced my exposure to the teacher – who tends to be most stressed of all – as perfectionism is her natural milieu.

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Now I take Ballet online. I can turn my camera off or on, modify my combinations, so they’re not too stressful, I hardly ever do releve (lifting heels) at all. but I’m not flat footed either. Even though my feet technically are after having babies.

I can wear whatever I want and even have my hair down. if the class is easy, sometimes I reverse the combo. And the teacher doesn’t know. If I did that in a regular class, she’d be really disturbed!

This has given me a lot more peace in my life. Sure I’m still sore a little bit afterwards, but nothing like before. I don’t take any medication’s for it. (Inshallah.)

But in the unlikely event that I’m in a stressful situation which leaves me feeling off balance and untethered, I find going out in the garden, touching my fingers to the Earth, very helpful and grounding. (Sometimes I’m even doing a chore too – like weeding.)

I use my eyes to see patterns and take a picture with my camera, or sketch it if I don’t have one.

I’ve recently learned that stimulating as many senses as possibly can be very helpful and centering. So find attractive things to look at (for me this might be a flower), sniff a pleasant fragrance (put on a drop of cologne), listen to harmonious sounds (put on or play uplifting classical music – no Wagner!)

When my mind reels, which it can at times, I’ll sit and meditate for 20 minutes focusing on my breath. Do some Nadi Shodanan – alternate nostril breathing. (Kumbaka – locking breath, tends to increase my anxiety.) The former really helps me become more balanced. And there’s always journaling.

So the goals after a stressful event are to 1) become more grounded 2) become more centered and 3) become re-balanced. That seems to help a lot.

And do as the Nepalis do: walk when you walk.; look when you look. This helps to keep a mind single-pointed. (In Nepal the trails are right on the edge of cliffs sometimes so while tempting, you don’t want to walk while you look.) Avoid unnecessary multitasking even though it gives you a dopamine high.