Becoming Author of Your Life

Many ‘magicians’ I know, meaning those who want to author[1], rather than footnote their life, often do the “the Middle Pillar Exercise[2]” to strengthen their resolve. This helps reaffirm our connections with Spirit and Earth. 

When you want to be a pillar in your ‘society’[3], then this is helpful to keep on the straight and narrow. 

This exercise can be done daily, weekly, monthly or whenever when you want to strengthen your connection with your Divine Universal G-d and the ground beneath you.

With the law of opposites, you can only lift or rise, as low as you fall…and vice-versa, so grounding is necessary to reach heights.

When first learning to stand in your middle pillar, its first a good idea to align your energies with the rotation of the earth – facing east[4]is suggested. 

Then Sun’s energy rises up the front, and sets down your back[5]. The moon and her phases keep to you right (in the Northern Hemisphere); leaving the left side, in night’s persistent shadows.

Having the Archangels around your middle core pillar, in right position and authority[6]seems to be a good idea[7].

The intention of these Holy energies is to clear one’s (spiritual) path and act specifically in our being[8]– it’s us who must be willingto let our selves clear.

That said, as long as we are truly alive, we will keep testing and being tested- as pesky as that seems. Shouldn’t there be something to keep us on our toes? Catching us up in our second-guessing[9]?

*****

First I greet the East. As the sun sheds his rays on the sweet and tender morning, the earth wakes from darkness.

Many practitioners of “magic” consider the east ‘ruled’ by the spirit of Archangel Raphael. He[10]represents the energy of heart’s spirit and heals all wounds.

Clothed in robes of tangerine and apricot – bright oranges with a touch of magenta, his energy is embodied in the colors of dusk and dawn.

Let him rejuvenate and rekindle your heart’s spark and lantern.

Fill yourself with gladness[11]– ‘cause you made it through night and a new day awaits you. Is that not a bad attitude to carry through life? So keep him in front of you, if you wish to.

*****

Still facing east, on your right is red. Here stands Archangel Michael with his victorious (flaming blue) sword of truth. Here is your warrior energy; you need his courage for your quest. Red can be enthusiasm, because you’ll need it!

(This part is long; I apologize already.)

This energy also reflects that of Mars and Geburah, who sheds blood with iron and weapons. Rather have Michael to slice and burn away bullshit, and leave the truth remaining –than fight about it, like his brothers upstairs[12].

As a thing manifests in the world, in the 3-D,

There is separation from source in becoming a being;

Like an energy that got snapshot, from 3d to 2,

Something dies, or at least gets hidden when we cover in photons.  

*****

As no-thing is perfect, whatever we do create, will be tested.

We will have tests of our foundations both

from our society and her structures,

as well as Natural laws’.[13]

Becoming dense and human,

we take on the shape of our container-

at the same time, away from idealsof perfection and unity. 

These are properties of coherence and symmetry.

Against thatcanvas, 

There’s always

Room for

Improvement(s).

Part of life will be spent

Releasing limiting beliefs,

Layer after layer, we shed to become more expansive.

Ouch! No one likes feeling beginner!

Make your amends; roll with the blows.

Make your amends now; you’ll be lighter and less fearful.

Imagine how nice that might feel!

To have that clarity –

you might stop worrying,

bringing your will to another,

about stuff beyond your control.

Engaging so frequently creates ruts of thoughts.

*****

Archangel Michael has been my guide since five, or when I first heard his name linked to the word “truth” and it’s benefits. He was probably mentioned during one of those rare (and honestly, for a five year-old sitting in the back, boring) sermons my father brought me on an Easter Sunday.

That resonated with me; I was surrounded by liars. I didn’t want their life, so I thought I’d try different. I figured I could count on truth to serve me ultimately, that- and I can’t tell lies without blushing; I get caught every time.

Truths tend to be painful as they are double edged.

For both subject and object experience severing –

Feeling emotions[14]mean chemicals happened,

Their signals rippling physiologically andmetaphysically; each type of signal[15],

Both in your body and

Out to life’s weft[16].

Or warp, it’s your choice.

When you let stuff eat at you, you do tend to twist!

These are things that happen, and

Not subject to volition.

When you don’t attach to a thing,

Your emotions are free to settle and calm

Becoming witness in stillness and let the thing pass.

******

There are two sides (or a dozen) to every situation.

Somebody’s in charge of lighting and stage, just for starters.

So to tell a story, is like essentially condensing a temporal record from 12D to one. How much useful information, is there in linear story line really?

Not much- since history is written,

By those publishing books for the majority[17]

And those who first have pen and paper.

His-story does not exist, as “He[18]” is not the attachment. 

The attachment is the she-part- the how’s of a form.

Of our swimming brain serpents – ideas connected with feeling.

The “S” manifests, a story in its particulars.

When you’re going to be your own creator,

You don’t need someone else’s “S”s!

Though learning about your own beautiful lineages’ story-

Without whom, you’ve no value(s).

Your ancestor’s energy and mirrors is what you notice with-

The beauty and the ugliness,

Attractions and repulsions,

Spark energy’s movement and your coordinate reactions.

With our machinery we have strengths and weaknesses,

as well as our tools for living.

We often know when our best foot is put forward.

With our heroes, we know what’s expected.

But nothing last forever

Society also defines ways it’s OK to be undone and who then cares for you.

For some of us, it seems no one.

Those are the clues of stuff you get to ‘work’ on.

The stuff that triggers, the stuff that hurts.

First it is important, you need to let

As we come into alignment,

What we take for granted as necessary, may fall away like snow; more often you notice it.

Then you wake up one day and notice the sun is shining. At least for that moment, your worries have lifted. Practice that noticing nature, your life will improve.

Then we can thank our “demons”,

those sticky attachments,

relationships that takes more from us-creating distraction,

than giving and nourishing you.

We need(ed) them, our demons- for their walls (untruths) and obstacles – and also

to teach us about ourselves.

Prove ourselves valuable.

May we learn for our good- and use it for thriving?

Bring those demons consciously to light with hearty regard, then bid them goodbye.

Without thanking our demons, and their ‘blessings’,

they come back to haunt us and

to hold us in place.

So think of them as angels that go with Grace too[19]

*****

Many of us can agree Archangel Michael’s sword stands for archetypal truth and uprightness,

Measuring against the standard of conscious, and subconscious,

expectations, both between parties and within.

Living within the confines of society,

We experience moments day-to-day.

This is a box[20], if you will, with  

Walls of expectations-

 “How” we are supposed to do a thing, from a set of choices.

For us as individuals, is culturally defined –

We learn do’s and don’ts early-

many by age four of what “flies” in your family.

It is our willto use the world, 

To meet our wants and needs.

The world wants to serve us,

No matter what that looks like!

How do we feelstanding with our inner truths and 

at the same time,

How well do we fill

The space we aregiven, contained by floor and ceiling? 

Above and below

Is always there

To witness our time spent,

Past, present, and future.

Wherever confines you might happen to find yourself,[21]

How well you fit in, constricting and effacing, still bright you must shine.

Honor Truth- it will remove your limitations help you find

YOUR highest and greatest good[22]– and you’ll help everyone around you by similarly letting them be themselves too..

Are you little by little oozing,

losing your crimson and scarlet,

From trying to fit in- bumping

your elbows and chaffing?

Because your walls

aren’t smooth?

And do all this to be seen like the “heroes” around you?

Or do you treat life with great slashes, and shed “negative” attachments with cleanly?

OK, maybe you don’t like what they said or did. It was‘negative’. 

And what they say and do, reflects on them.

But you too, the way they called it, as it was you in their mirror.

So that anger is at you; put that in your pipe and smoke it[23]

Let there be some curiosity,

how does that serve you-

and your ineffable quality?

Please do consider, your weaknesses will catch you,

So consider using even the faintest lessons to strengthen;

The weakest links in your being,

Else they’ll lead to undoing later.

*****

When reality meets paradigm,

you can feel knocked off your block-

Deflating hopes

as you stumble and trip.

Maybe you feel you’re starting all over again

from what seems the beginning,

But you’re older and wiser now-

Don’t worry when you’re ready,

You’ll get the perfect teacher and even better opportunity.  

*****

While our chariot[24]can be viewed 

As the crab moving sideways,

As you draw nearer to your inner being,

You more closely toe the line of integrity.

Against your perfect blueprint[25],

Your life’s drawn by will’s discipline and focus.

Executed with clarity,

your soul measures the howyou got your manifestation. 

Just add His (G-d’s) favorite ingredients Time and Gravity (aging),

Saturn’s waits are patient.

From Him there’s no escaping

Cheating will sicken you- you’ll know when you’re undeserving[26]and then what happens when you fail later? 

The foundations of your creation

Will have their cracks shown and sundered;

As we are not without water and winds-

Forcing us to change and eroding our edges[27].

*****

Geburah is there to test you too on a level a little higher-

Was that Lust balanced?

Was there Mercy in your Severity?

Or was it with power you took?

Karma, homework from Saturn,

will find you if you’re lucky,

whether by spear, chain or cudgel,[28].

Justice will be served.

The spiral rebounds endlessly when we keep calling her[29]in.

As above, so below.

Your seeking shines in the mirror[30]of Ein Sof Aur. 

With your hopes for salvation, keep shedding- but honor the ones you’re with.  

Energies arereal…andwe draw them to us

as we start clearing.

This is G-d’s[31]way 

of testing our sincerity.

*****

When you hold and grasp

A thing that you love,

Not permitting changes,

You suffocate, both yourself and it.

You have to let a thing go, (which is an action),

To honor its state of wholeness (and Holiness).

For in that act of mercy,

You feed your own freedom too!

Such is the nature of our golden cage.

The door must be open,

If our heart song’s

to be sung from our inner beauty.

Intentions[32]boomerang- 

the Laws of Random Path and Cause and Effect combine.

Even little annoyances count,

so pay them close attention.

In other words, you

and your descendants’ lineage,

will receive many fold,

what you put out.

It is Spirit’s force,

That fills our soul body,

releasing delusions, clearing

and lightening.

You can’t sing and fight at the same time- though that might be interesting to try sometime.

******

Moving on…

Consider behind you, unseen we can’t know them

are emotions we’ve left behind, with those whom we’ve shared with.

Because emotions are ofus- we can’t see them clearly, 

unless we take time to try and identify them.

Here lies a wall of brilliant blue ocean meet sky. Those this is subject to day and night too; it takes light to see color; we need our rods[33].

Here is Gabriel standing in glory.

He holds the cup, our chalice

Offering emotions to you, in this case technically to your back you can’t see Him.

Without emotions,

there’s nothing personal

between you and me,

no connection.

Those blue shards of truth,

That resonate within us

Can’t fill a glass full of

Lies from sycophants.

*****

Here’s a little story, you can skip if you want.

When I first contacted the four directions using Techniques suggested by Josephine McCarthy, I felt a bit obligated. It surprised me to meet each energy with some ease and clarity. Most seemed unthreatening anyway. Gabriel, disguised as a stiff old crone, seemed pretty crotchety like, “Why are you here anyway?” I almost turned and left. Instead I apologized I didn’t ‘know’ her. For a gift she gave me a simple white feather.

That was about ten years ago, see how long it takes to change a thing?

*****

We can’t know what others feel when we leave them;

we can’t know the emotions of another.

That peaceful blue is reminder our hearts can be our chalice.

Filled with the tears we shed with love’s losses, remind us of our depths of connection.

Though one must wrought the container – as in both wrestle and forge,

that’s a task,

to trust in the power.

For some the chalice is gold and succoring- dispensing sweet nectar, and receiving.

One heart lightens another’s; you might never know the “how”.

Others’ may be lead, not gold or silver, with tears sharp, bitter, and corrosive. That gets heavy to continually tote; and pouring it out, poisons plants that you’ve seeded, leaving ugly hardy weeds.

When that’s what you’re offering,

I will spit you out –

But still

Even then,

I’ll wonder what I did to trigger(!?)

*****

Still facing east, there is North on your left; considered by many to be Uriel incarnate though to some Gaia, to another Haniel. Play around; either way thank her, because this is the place, from whence we manifest – when we lead with our heart and mind together; as the tongue uses both.

North’s wall is bright green with woods that are sacred. For some in the Garden, your shamanic tree’s standing – roots in lower world; middle world presently, upper world beckoning- inspirations awaiting. This is a wonderful place to meet while drumming!

Here is where your constancy matters, building and practicing a little each day.

It’s true, we build in shadows not knowing the outcomes of our doings,

when time passes and reality has sunk in there’s usually much room for tweaking and calibrating.

The earth has much invisible; its but her surface we appreciate.

****

Lastly above, and below there are Archangels too.

Metatron stands balanced in robes of white brilliance. In His hands, He carries the Ten Commandments on tablets. However you want to read them- there are ten fundamental; the rest are man’s to serve him(not Him!) and promote the divisiveness (which is easy to understand as a form as evil). 

He’ll help you when (you do your best to) follow them. From Him I also see shimmering rainbows the waterfall of G-d, gives me what I need from Him.

*****

Lastly I stand feet squiggling in Hot Sand the desert. With Sandalphon, barrenness beckons. Here even drops of ‘water’, can be sustaining. Trillions of crystals there support me standing pressing my feet to lift me up, even though, it seems He mostly carries me – whenever I forget I’m not alone or separated.

Clearly I don’t have this one ‘down’, as I’m in limbo- suspended and silent in the milieu that surrounds me!

*****

The end for now,

Mashallah Habibi.


[1]Shifting from needing an outer king “Arthur” (arthor – resh turned to nun and then flipped heaven to earth, now a “u” becoming; the –or, means “one who”  creating “Author” instead.)

[2]To be published later

[3]Be that your parents, family, school, work, etc.

[4]You can try it to the West once you’ve done it a few times one way, and notice if it feels any different.

[5]This is opposite the direction of “microcosmic orbit” which has energy flowing up your back and down the front. The microcosmic orbit redistributes energy (back to the Dantien/Tantien – our belly furnace) you’ve subsumed, as well as energy drawn up from the earth. It is intended to strengthen our procreative ability. As we both create and procreate, it may be that both are important (until you hit menopause when the conception vessel closes!) 

Turning West, the sun will trace out the microcosmic orbit- going up your back and down the front. Try this if you’re hoping to make physical babies.

[6]This particular ritual is tried and true, but can be modified as desired.

[7]Personally I hesitate to invoke anything…there are unintended consequences to changes. Names are Yetziratic, meaning separated from Unity (Ein Sof) by their formative density. Each letter is a vessel to channel energy of whatever vowel, shifting meanings in a particular ways. So I hear all these strange Angel names, and wonder what’s that about? For that reason, I usually stick to named angels that you hear in the Bible (Michael, Gabriel, Raphael). [Though one wonders, we’ve not been doing so well using the Bible- nor it’s brethren the Torah and Koran, to heal, but rather to belt each other and create hell on earth…]

[8]It is wise to align one’s ‘magical’, or creator self with the energies of yourhighest and greatest good as one stands in one’s universe of all beings. Doing so, it is easier to believe your lessons aren’t in vain, even if you don’t think you believein Him, you might acceptin the Him as a possibility- to keep from being led astray.

[9]Boy, it’s been 19 months and I haven’t had a moment when I wasn’t aware of my love Angel’s energy in, on, and around me. Luckily this sense of possession, is finally subsiding and has become a generalized sense of rapture- when I dissociate my thoughts about him.

[10]As a thing comes into focus, it’s still bounded by its parameters. In the human world that’s our senses. There is loss of entropy and transfer of energy, as entity shifts from potential to formation-mediated by invisible power of coherence between bodies that can’t help but accelerate energetically by synergisms. (I totally felt this when I visited ‘him’ last spring– like a big ball of gold thwump, landed in my belly) I say ‘He” because this is gladness without form. Without form, there are no, “S”s necessary for manifestation. We need those (snakes of ideas, thoughts, and emotions) to create anything- and you do have to feed them. This is why you don’t worship the “S”, or pray for ‘things’; that’s ‘she’ part of a being, and temporal; the Heh’s already got yourperfect solution, with his Tau hidden but present.

[11]At this point, one can do a banishing ritual first if you are feeling stuck in “negativity”. 

[12]The first time I really “met” this energy, I’d just been speaking about the fires in California (2018?). I was getting a Reiki treatment. When the practitioner put her hands on my right shoulder, I clearly heard, “you know no-thing”. Hmm. That took some mulling; (Later Aa. Gabriel told me I ‘knew my own heart’ only). That energy seemed about 7 or 8 feet tall. 

Months later, doing a Reiki person on someone – I’d donated to charity, There was an entity or being that seemed MUCH larger~like ten times that she drew through me. That one didn’t ‘speak’ to me, other than to order my masculine and feminine Divine into prostration (for an hour). 

My mDgot an attitude adjustment…and he thought he was a king! She just giggled a little and held his hand tightly. 

[13]Such as Cause and Effect- Action and Reaction; Correspondence (as above so below; as within, so without- or phylogeny recapitulates ontology); A thing cannot be both at rest (yin, receptive in being form- the yoni/female principle) and in action (yang, male phallic/outgoing expression of potential) at the same time. No-thing in a body can be in perpetual motion or stay completely unchanged- all beings manifest principles of male and female. There is always polarity in the incarnate being.

[14]Emotion, = Energy-in-motion

[15]For example, hormones of joy (expands hopes of a thing), sadness (contracts belief); fear (contracts acceptance) worry (contracts dreams) and anger (tightens everything- stifling all but warrior). You can’t be in different states at the same time- how many hormones do you have anyway? And then when you’ve used them up, there’s demand for more. ‘Course there’s anxiety (usually driven by fear) when you’re so wound up, you’ve lost your senses and become disoriented.

[16]

[17]AKA the Texas Board of Education; they have the biggest order and so that book is cheapest. It ends up being the one ordered by most school districts. Just thought you might like to know.

[18]To those purists I apologize, I could just as easily say Heh- it reads the same both left to right and right to left, so is recognizable as G-d’s word too. 

[19]Always, I’m not kidding! Besides, who’d want to be them? Mean people wear scowls on their faces as they age and stop pretending.

[20]Our cube of Spirit has 6 sides, with top and bottom – 3 directions; each angle is a Kabbalistic path; Tau – the resultant formation is with source in the middle. Since top and bottom also have paths, in all there are many more from both above and below too. Our spirit energizes different paths- depending on our name and birth- it is for us to manifest them.

[21]As in where your ‘dandelion seed’ self landed.

[22]You’ll naturally excel, when in your own strengths; weaknesses show up later.

[23]or go chew on a root. Sorry for promoting smoking…I’m working to fractalize it. But I do love smoke rings…

[24]Cheth stands for our chariot; two Vau’s bound in commitment to our “dark” and “light” selves, our needs for action and resting. 

[25]For example, with the unmethylated expression of our DNA as might be seen in the newborn.

[26]You might not need that “A” which you didn’t earn fairly.

[27]Eroding strengths “perfections”, ‘til we’re spheres instead. Then it’s easier to let stuff go and stay wholesome.

[28]I always wondered what kind of karma I was generating…I only had to be willing to do a thing, in order to receive it. I prefer to take my consequences on a regular basis; make amends when I have wronged and practice what I preach! Rather than hav them all build up, but then I don’t have control of anything, at least not anymore.

[29]The attachments of our serpents.

[30]a line is also a plane seen on end.

[31]Defined as omniscient totipotential and probability of all energies manifesting.

[32]Our thoughts are manifestation of measurable neural activity and directed – this is an energetic vector and subject to both Physic’s and Natural Laws. 

[33]AS entities of spirit, we can’t “see” anything (no receptors- no ‘moon’, no body).

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