A Quick F/U[1]

Working on another flower essay; trying to bring it from garble. Here I’m presenting a brief follow up. Though I am toying with sharing an altogether different L.D. story; already written…but do I dare publish it?

Meanwhile, chores are demanding as my housekeeper quit.[2] Our rupture was precipitated by both the new kitchen, and yes, fallout from my ‘possession’ state[3] Bless her heart, she put up with me for 3 years as I went on my rapture.

The kitchen is complete and lovely. I am grateful it’s finished. Enjoy being in it as I learn to keep it looking decent -with ease, is the goal.

Writing all along, but not to polished form. I want to speak to what I want more of. Not about the tests going on as in the political plays-in any way naming. I’ve had enough tests in my life for now anyway. So I put down my angry thoughts but don’t necessarily share them.

Using my will to consider thought forms over which I’ve no control, such as war and other crimes, and which serve to upset or chip away at my sense of being present in the here and now, doesn’t serve me or my environment unless He, as in my intuition or G-d, involves me directly. Which then, well, game on.

Today’s pondering was on the word,” NOUN”

a No – un is:

“A person place or thing”, as in state of tangibility – or a state of idea or being- as in identifiable by contemplative[4] mind. The latter is subjective – and requires senses attending- and mind noticing. To perceive a no-un as a non-self state of resonance uses mirror neurons to grasp and imagination. Unless one touches something, how can they know its reality?

For example I look at a red Ferrari and ‘see’ several things, which may, or may not, overlap with what comes to your mind. Mine usually relate to its potential life history – how it was made and by whom- or as gas and emissions; you might see mostly speed and fun.

(Don’t laugh, I saw one yesterday (!) on my walk with Josh- my younger son, just thinking about it brings a smile. I hadn’t seen a red Ferrari since I visited the factory years 15 ago! Seemed subtle co-incidence to encourage me to finish this essay)

Also in contemplation, a mind using focused attention can learn to identify new no-uns with practice. The ‘color-blind’ man doesn’t see a red light (nor green)- but more or less light of illumination. He see the light (the noun)- three linearly arranged white circles offset in a strip, but must learn to discern which one is lit.

AS I understand it, the yellow pops out effortlessly.

Likewise, it takes becoming aware of another’s lineage- cultural and geographic reality, to ‘see’ or understand traditions. With practice one recognizes new no-uns more easily. Then new ones aren’t so frightening.

“No-un”, the word is double negative bound together, creating material from infinite negative (boson); emanation named. Now you know, no-un’s any entity.

Starting and ending with Nun נ -Vau, ו, in fetal position- (also in coitus and in defecation)- but heart’s spirit is Nun’s essence – the essential form of embodied force when surrendered- details coming later with Hod and what is left after dross is eliminated by our big and little deaths[5]-. Quitting a conscious “bad” habit, which perfectly serves at SOME point, can feel like death, when we think of what we are ‘losing’, as we try to stop.

We (must) let go impurities in order for a heart to shine. Nun rules the path between Tifereth (heart and beauty) and Netzach. (e-motional force spirit); Nun is Death in the Tarot for this reason.

Purifying one’s state in the process, at least temporarily (no wonder Nun’s path is right over the spleen- our body’s decider self). While we may be born from impure conditions creating unhealthy epigenetic changes, when the ‘pressure’ is off, we revert to our ‘wild type’ fittest[6].

The “o”, as in “No”, you can review here:

https://drjenwyman-clemons.com/2020/09/01/no/

“U” is not Hebrew, (He-brew, G-d’s brew of letters), but man’ derivation- from Vau. We’ll get to “U” later.[7]

That’s it, now time for some sorting –that I may clean more easily. Thank goodness for my Sisyphean tasks! They keep me putting one foot in front of the other, at the very least. I’m grateful for them. All is Inshallah!

Oh, and as far as my L.D. possession goes, it has really settled down. While still incessant, is more constant expansion. Whenever it ‘pops’ in to my consciousness, I say, “Yes, even now”. (while I’m doing something else) “I want to…” hug, kiss, nuzzles, whatever the L.D. starts with out loud, then turn it into my face and hands instead. So I ‘get’ to make out and hold with myself, which is OK. I used to have such a one track brain – science and me were besties! I’d get (s)o annoyed with interruptions.


[1] Ha, ha – “F/U” is also a quick f*ck you (Hmm). F*cking is a version of intercourse- engagement with another, doesn’t have to pelvic sexual; but unlawful, as in out-of law though not necessarily, ‘bad’ or harmful. F*cking is “e-vil”, taking us from one’s (villa of) self to engage with another. Recall F*CK is technically acronym “for unlawful carnal knowledge”. Here I mean f/u as “follow up”. We need document our shifting.

[2] It was time, we’d been together like 14 years; she couldn’t stomach me anymore – especially as I became undone with delusions. So one day we had it out over something I’d asked her to help me with, and then spurned what I got. I hired her, in addition to being an excellent housekeeper, to be a form of noble Cato (like Cato the younger who was a pain in the ass to other Romans) – a woman I might disagree with, was very strongly but openly opinionated conspiracy theorist (esp about the banking industry), but also had some mutual female influence in my ~all-male family, except a neurotic (torte) cat). J turned me on the “Skinny Bitch Diet” which I highly recommend. She will be hard to replace.

[3] I asked her to help me quit pot smoking – stemming from her suggestion for getting over him- (my possession by L.D.) Her words to me, I need to just “go through it” without pot for a month; and then, “ad-dict” when I couldn’t stop without her call back. She’s right of course- but also projecting on her own ad-dictions.

(I got five days with zero, and 2 more weeks once a day. Since then it has creeped a little. So that is progress nonetheless!)

[4] The word con-tem-plate or con-templ-ate – to plate together; as in a flat surface or platform. noticing a thing with inter-observer, witness-able substance and affects one’s viscera – to then needs (mental/emotional) digestion, and the passage of time.

[5] Once embodied by birth’s first breath, Saturn lords with time and spatial existence- our vessels of body are subject to death. And states in-between our ‘wick’, self’s (personal Kaballah) can be fat or thin, holds container for breath and chi (spirit). Even though they may seem in-between, as long as we are breathing, there’s opportunity for spirit rekindling.

[6] Women slough a lining-made of lipid membranes, including contaminants, when they are young and menstruating; men reduce with ejaculate. Also, and primarily as we get older -when both those methods slow down or stop, we rid contaminated fat as our intestinal lining and skin sloughs.

[7] I am so grateful for I do not have to know when, where, or how. All will (and has been) revealed, exactly as I need.

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