IAM (a little Kabbalah)
For me, first is Yod,
‘who’ is heartily defining.
A twinkling star
Of the Invisible’s signs.
Yod starts out as solitary dot-
reaching to us faintly
While deep in our dream state.
Blinking as always.
He leads Tetragrammaton,
that is His calling.
Yod’s dot you see,
is face without yet body.
His head, neck and shoulders though,
gather with continued summoning.
He receives fed by heaven[1]
when G-d is called by prayers.
He is emissary of the Holiest of Holies.
Pure energy he has no density.
Before it’s time, his neck and shoulders come into view.
Without a spine, though,
he’s no leg to stand on.
though Yod does have a tail end-
which can seem never ending.
For legs, Yod needs from Chochmah’s heavenlies to gain. When Dalet’s gate opens, He’ll at the desert.
Pyramids, used to be in the desert- alone and separated, a place where mankind feels like specks of sand. No water, eking by, in Her harsh conditions. No wonder the color green is so necessary and healing!
Desert dwellers rules are strict, its do or die in the (endless) sand pit.
Bless them for showing me, how I too could live so long without water, which in my case is love, not money, I stored it like a camel. Because truly, there is G-d in everything.
Meanwhile, Yod pops in and out of bosom,
Is kind of His thing, when his lamp is flickering.
So, Yod’s dot has some growing up to do –
before He becomes Holy a-lined within you.
Veils must be lifted as one comes face to face,
with our heart wounds
fear can shrink,
but anger never heal.
Our crucification, which He, as in He-is us, or Jesus,
told us was no longer needed,
are the guilt trips, shame, hatred-
beliefs we have that wound.
Such thoughts,
stop us dead in or tracks,
when we were making such good progress.
Must the testing go one and on?
All in good time, I pray like a mantra
Keeping my lamp low meanwhile.
When you remember salvation is one of G-d’s promises.
It helps you go on,
When a man’s not listening.
Until then, your heart may feel like its bursting.
Brightening as forces of invisible matter grow,
Did you know, Yod becomes that much brighter
when He is pent up or back?
He’ll get through to you one way or another.
Yod;s dot’s not idea, but mere glimpse
Of possibility.
….and then little by little,
His does begin developing.
Perhaps, He comes in dreams and signs
or
If you continue to be dull and incurious,
Yod comes more physically-
He can rip the (f*cking rug from under you)!
Shape depends on
Yod’s sparkle steadies,
when you faith in Him blooms
life rewards you even quicker.
Always under guidance
Of your vessel’s beloved consonants- and free will.
You will always be in the right place and time for Him.
One’s standing with integrity of your name sound together
is the literal meaning of “consonant” the word.
Yod’s resonance eventually fills soul’s
every crevice, nook, and cranny.
As first level vectors- generated from individual singularity, each has their own trajectory and personal energy; prismatic emblems of the One I call G-d.
It seems to me more letters are born from these- such as Cheth, Bet, Gimel, Heh, and Tav, even Nun. (I put Cheth first, because He’s really two Vaus united (committed to understanding the sorrow of Binah’s[2] shortcomings); the others make ups of Yod, Dalet and Vau in various directions. But not the vessels, Teth, Peh, and Mem (which look like iteration of “G” that is, upside down or backwards, if you catch my drift) and are onomatopoeic. Without them though, vowels have no catch. But I don’t want to get much more detailed at the risk of seeming forced.
It can take time to see
There is G-d in everything.
Though your life might feel like hell, when your securities falter,
Please don’t get too upset by the swells, calm will come later.
What Yod focuses on is by definition difference-from what is believed by our mirror selves.
High or low, right or left,
Defining in and outside worlds,
Creates fake barriers and signposts.
Often Yod gets a little distorted from our craving and aversions –
This is the energy of heart’s wishes.
Then His being shifts.
With slowing and singularity or rushing and impatience,
Yod can becomes Zain, Vau, Dalet, or Resh;
He may be Nun standing on end as Yod too has death’s doorway; please look for yourself.
It’s our soul’s[3] calling,
That forms fine thread of tether;
Pulling Yod sideways,
which ways up or down.
Yod’s inspiration too, is
Chesed’s gift of blessed teacher[4]
Experienced as the hermit ascetic.[5]
He livens the heart after Da’at’s Abyss.
Being crazy for a lifeline from Divinity-
Is usually in need,
- Isn’t it hard to pray with sincerity
When all around sun’s shining and your cup’s full and table set already?
Yet, He’s always there,
Waiting to be called into being
It is never too late to make baby steps towards Him.
(At least looking from Keter’s perspective-
He’s the one, after all
you might have called out to – such as
when your prayer includes, “for the highest good for all beings”)
What will it be Dalet, receiving much before finally elongating.
“But I worked for it”, you think, as you serve yourself first.
When the time is ready, we all get to receive
for ourselves, every once in a while!
But then, with Dalet, Karma’s involved,
I’m not going to sugarcoat.
It hurts a little expanding – as your bubble gets burst
Going a little too closely to the pyramid, or perhaps you alit.
Either you’ll worry you’ll lose it
or worry you won’t.
Dalet as “the gateway” and looks like a sky’s tray
with His right side a leg holding a platform, high over His head; Dalet becomes Vaus reality.[6]
Dalet is unlike Resh, who hurries a little[7].
Depends on whether the wish was
for you alone, (or fears from your lineage)
or was blessing for another, perhaps unrelated-
is ONE way to consider this from Yod’s perspective.
Dalet opens the gate,[8] and channel for Aleph’s breath
Stirring through Chokmah’s cosmos with a whoosh,
Energizing Binah’s land of black pyramids.
It’s with her Yoni, that everything comes about!
Binah provides the vessel for all shapes and forms.
Disparaging Her is futile,
You’re no-thing without
Her. She’s Saturn’s eminence and His bit of karma for you.
All He needs is for you to be willing
To receive before another’s well earnings.
Then karma sets on a path of molasses,
churning Kaph’s wheel always in the process.
Or was it so you could be more will
Whether for love’s defense, and then Zain,
Or Vau alone the obedient one?
This is the question, I ask of thee now.
How long it takes, from wish to knocking,
is from 3D perspective
not in time predictable.Though in our quantum fields,
the happening is already.
When ‘it’ happens, it can feel as if ordained.
Or it seems like it was ‘G-d’[9] after all.
in the 5D plane, G-d is Allah,
as Je-s-us, can be pronounced like, He-is-Us, (in the tongue of G-d’s language).
G-d can be perceived by his emissary prisms-
Rainbows of color are His archangels
Red (Michael/Khamael), blue (Gabriel), and yellow (Raphael),
and those secondary- especially the greens of Haniel.
However you’ll have Him loving, judging, or merciful.
He is there for you when you’re willing to let Him.
Even the Holy Family has drama!
IAM coming from another Di-men-sion –
Is of world split from menses.[10]
Vau, forms as
intention collides with reality.
Yod’s trajectory is now
Other than forward.
With Vau,
Yod’s head, neck, and shoulders,
gain spine and torso.
That includes a heart though it doesn’t always look so.
In this, G-d’s will elongates
Two legs on the ground- turned sideways looks like a
Hockey stick.
Vau’s arc is bent.
Colliding as he passes the veil,
like light through a prism or water,
Perhaps Vau got nipped by a Seraphim crossing Da’at
and had to shift a little.
Either way,
He is no longer straight.
No, Vau is servant
waiting for His next puck to come.
Course it could come from the you outside me;
You never really know which hive mind is listening.
May it be so that I can keep my wits about me.
Although in this case I cannot.
By obedience to His teachers
He is channel for our ancestral power,
Yet being a channel from Chochmah to Chesed.
His teaching has to go somewhere- energy is always conserved.
Maybe to Teth, for immediate application (and testing), or perhaps to answer the heart’s calling, regressing to Yod, being the Hermit?
Like a board game, which way will He go first.
Energy placed in motion, continues until there’s traction gained, then slows, transferring from one to another.
Meanwhile, Netzach is there waiting for her candle to flame, why do you keep ignoring Her?
As Yod travels in the Ineffable’s plain
He blinks like lightening stuck in the clouds
When another reflects Him- Usually a being of potential, higher or lower, both need bridging.
When He connects and rather directly this might be as Zain projecting. He emanates from the supernal’s crown and Binah’s myriad city of pyramids. Embodying our dualities- such as where IAM, might come in. Between me and you. Meaning while there is much that binds, between me and you is our skin of differences.
In Binah, there is splendor to her vastness – such as pyramid appears from ant’s perspective- or the incredible beauty of sand in a photomicrograph.
As it goes, Zain’s energy bails early he’s shaped not like Vau, more like sword. Was He a little impatient in His desire for structure? Or as he in Arabic seems like a small “j”, looking for meaning in every thing – as he hooks into the firmament?
Here we are, a nice peaceful toroidal self,[11] until Zain comes along. (Pop if you ask me is how that feels!)
As beings in constant state of reciprocity- inner and outer world’s of self, as well as upper and lower plains, in any given state irrespective of time and space, we reflect our heart’s desire for wants and not-wants and often project our wounds. Upper plane ruled by creative will; lower by Soma’s needs.[12]
Picture’s I form of you in my mind, is my will projected onto your being of possibility, for me, not you- a state we are in continually.
It is our will, not His, that reaches out (not always up) for solutions. While our prayer’s answer can issue from Binah’s pyramids, more often it hails from Qliphoph’s Hells – fed by fears of limitation. At least until now, it seemed for some like black hole.
What you believe and act on is what you feed, She helps creates that which is bigger.
He, Zain, comes down into density at heart’s level but still subject to four worlds – ideas, thought, plans, or action. Which one he reaches, depends on how ‘ripe’ you are -apparently.
It’s the special someone who tests your heart’s ideas to become thoughts, plans and actions, meanwhile Zain, shaped like tack with slant, stays protected with a ‘roof’ above His head.
He is unlike Vau who directly bares the elements.
Luckily Zain wears a crown of gold as He too, is redemptive and directly expressing Divine energies (with His Tagin). He can use IAM as weapon or tool to express and get what he wills.
After all, even in Binah’s paradise on earth, She gives- but She must too chose from nature. Forming a thing one way, means it isn’t formed another. That’s death to a dream meeting the thornier sides of reality.
Man’s solutions are formed from clay;[13] such’s porous and has impurity. Man’s solutions to his problems, being human-made, will always have a tiny flaw- even as Earth’s creations are subject to gravity and time. What goes up, must come down, eventually.
So it is Zain, who sees the you and me as separate- instead of All-one in boson. And yet promises, by working together- as Vau does with Him to form Chet, differences become strengths.
Zain is shaped like tack for good reason too and that is to set priorities between me and you. Maybe whoever is “taller”[14] and can reach to place their list first, gets to set them. At least until now, it would seem this way, sadly tall, white or light-toned males seem to hog all wall schedules.
(To bad they’ve been given so much cachet, they’ve become ever dumber and disconnected to reality: the ones they step on meanwhile, grow smarter.)
IAm
Vau a line, with a bend, as I extend to ground standing. Unlike Nun at the end, who gets to actually plant in, I’m more relative.
and in the 2 dimensional maybe I have x and y, only.
Me and the outside world are
Constantly defined by shapeshift.
Without another, to slow shift or broaden me, I’m pure vector, doing things my way. I am not a ‘plane’ per se. Managing a plain, which is level by definition, means keeping it together (usually by the strength of vows together) while being joined with another (vector) with his own set of tests.
So for now, I’m unaware of direction other than forward- that is quite yet. I create my space and hope it looks nice…though one could WASTE a whole days doing just cleaning and chores.
Later my attentions will be to the left or right, up or down, as spiraling’s inevitable- some of the time! But I’ve been finding it quite helpful to sing my soul song after getting riled up. It takes so little when solitude is magnified.
Nor am I flying- though I’d kind of like to go and visit some favorite places, mostly I’m just here ‘stuck’ appearing. That is, if you were to really “measure” me and my “output”. Most of the time these days I’m spaced pretty evenly; not having any particular momentum of intention. I’ve nothing and no one to really bounce off of.[15] And yet, even this state is blessing…vacuums are scary.
Did you know that a line is formed by two planes intersecting? Imagine, two worlds tangent by karma, can form singularity. In a moment can burst your bubble of self. Well at least that’s what’s happened to me- at least once!
The perfect storm happened and all was seemingly lost. My vessel capsized…My JNFRGRXWMN self has crashed on rocks- to re-dissolve becoming once again sand self. Without context or conquest, it’s hard to “become”. Yet, I will become something- so I slowly sing my soul vowels. [16] …And do my daily sittings. And journal, and put one foot in front of the other meanwhile.
And yet, falling apart is exactly what needed to happen; ‘she’ had to return to her root self. Well really, she hit the bottom of the lotus pond swamp, before time and slime recollected her. Only during the right season and little by little with patience, can she rise up towards the rippling light rays dancing from water’s surface.
A plane intersecting another plane from any direction – other than parallel or already included, creates a line in geometry. Such as when the “plane” of you (your archetypal tangent of self) connected with my plane, even if for a moment – with look, speech, or action which hopefully’s not crashing.
The line of intersection with another, we “think”, is narrowly defined. As it goes, usually the person I meet in front of me, is someone quite different indeed underneath my first impressions. In the way a plane is tangent to an even bigger surface of self – who someone is can look quite different! You don’t know which mask they’re wearing…maybe they don’t know either (yet)!
Mostly the lines we do create as we intersect with the tangential planes in one’s life, reflect the original plane. In other words, whichever one we we were on in the first place – its like practiced reference- first impressions are hard to shake. When for the other maybe you were but tangent and momentary?
Aye, but that’ s how I see it, referring to my fateful day. When two worlds collide, there can be a shocking wave.
So the line you create with you and another, generally has direction. Hopefully it serves both giving and taking, but one never knows these days. So pay attention to how you’re feeling with them. Honor with some folks, their need to feel ‘over’ you, that’s (purely) their delusion- they’re reflecting what they’ve been trained to believe by their family, schools, and clubs.
When I got to go to private school, just after becoming a foster child (I was very lucky the family that took me was seemingly well-connected; unfortunately I did let them down, at least when I got asked to leave. Nonetheless, I got to see a little of the training.
The girls would sit in the dining room eating quietly with napkins; wait staff were extremely deferential; usually wearing uniforms without name tags. There was not much talk, but often you could hear silverware clinking.
I saw the janitors did both their jobs and were also expected to be heart counselors to all the lonely ones. Naturally they didn’t get paid for that bit. Having a stereotypic employee does set up expectations though. Even the most lowly a to friend me. I used to wonder, do they really like me, or are they just being “nice”.
I learned then that referring to a thing as “nice” was another term for ‘I don’t really care’ (about what you’re saying to me).
As a line is the dot on end. Here you thought you were so important, but the reality is, that line has truly no dimension, unless one expands it by connection and energy. Else it might just fizzle out (wouldn’t that be nice, about now for me, lol).
There, I also learned compliments are a form of flattery; they are given with the intention of bending someone else (in this case, me) towards them. At least to make me feel now I need to make them feel good too!
Which is why I shudder when someone says ‘you must respect me’. WTF. NO, I don’t.
I need to treat you with dignity. As a fellow human I need to have compassion your life might seem otherwise from the face you’re painstakingly wearing. Otherwise I owe you nothing.
Sorry, that’s how it goes no matter how loud you shout. How specious is your argument?
Why should I respect you when of you know I know nothing?
Just because you’re standing in front of me doesn’t mean I necessarily want to “see you again”, which is what respect means. Truth is, I’ll probably never want to see you again. Most people seem really dense and speaking to them is tedious.
I do respect those who’ve earned it – usually by their integrity and good work. That takes time and is not a given.
Demanding respect of each other with obsequious kowtowing, is not only subservience, but makes your enemies stronger; this adds to the rut you’re in without any true council. Personally I pay for that – I’d rather engage your brilliance!
Subserviences implies one is than the other better; provides opportunity for con men. Now that they know your number, you’re MUCH easier to sucker!
But all is Inshallah, so I better not burn my bridge with you; karma always comes knocking I may have to ‘play’ with you again. However that looks like. So for people to say “you can’t take a compliment”, maybe that’s a good thing!
From one, with the other, we add dimension. (‘Dimension’ as in division from our menses – the men who are “thinking” and from our earth bound daily shifting moon’s way. who BTW wants you very much to notice when the sun comes up!
We need each other as impulses and singularities I need you to define my not me!
Though how you do that can be yeah or nay, depending on “how” I happen to feel today.

[1] “Heaven” = the next level for our soul’s ascension as we imagine our spirit’s highest and best outcomes; a state experienced as endless bliss and rapture (even there though, are singularities and energy shifts). This is as I would humbly define it anyway.
For me, I’d settle for canoeing in the Adirondacks- but not when it’s black fly season!
[2] With Binah’s land of (invisible) pyramids burst your bubble of illusion- a fantasy dies or baby is born. Both are manifestations of a reality, which usually looks a bit different from the expected one.
[3] Our soul’s vessel is the embodiment of Pluto’s light and shadow. Pluto serves our call to love. I know this is mixing languages, such are hazards of being a polyglot.
[4] I mean “teacher” in the loosest way.
[5] Ascetic – Meaning he didn’t exploit his pupil, for his own (sensory) pleasures, though he could have as she was vulnerable and trusting.
[6] If you looked Dalet straight on, You’d see He’s more ostrich- as Vau quickly splits shimmering during His catapult over Da’at’s changes.
[7] When Resh, G-d’s waterfall, hits you on the other hand, depending on where you’re you are on the journey – underneath it in the water-endless pummeled and drowning. Or perhaps He is seen as from shielded by cavern. He can feel like or . When you stop fighting, you realize you can just step back and see the magnificence.
[8] Usually, Dalet’s gate swings open, not closed- rather like Pandora’s box lid.
[9] “G-d”, Or if you would prefer the ‘ ultimate universe of infinite possibility and probability, or perhaps, and exactly, the force in your ancestral image of Highest and Greatest Good and Judge’; basically the energy of a black hole’s inverse, that’s the guy, I’m talking about.
[10] Meaning not subject to Moon’s reflections and vagaries and not subject to gravity nor tides.
[11] Toroidal self is probably not accurate – imagine a continuous lemniscal self in the 6 dimensions, and at-one-ment with our inner beings- is how I tend to think of it. If you have a better word, please enlighten me!
[12] Physically manifest in decussating lemnisceal body- a “secondary sensory pathway” – as in derivative- which has a ‘tone’ all its own sometimes (depending on hormones which sensitize). Here relays with ghostly images, neurons from the peripheral ganglion (where reticulated solid organ cell hive minds – coordinated signals from kidneys, spleen, heart, liver pancreas also connect).
[13] Clay – Chet, Lamed, Ayin: commitment, karma (healing justice) and what your eye sees.
[14] Taller – as in at any given time, we can be our king selves, or we can take a back seat and shorten. By “king”, I mean regal. Speaking to a self regally, you accept (quietly) it might not be your turn, yet, still stand tall with integrity and conscience (con-science = with knowing and aware of the being in front of you).
There will be a time when we falter- would that we be so well treated! But we reap what we sow, so It’s no surprise elders gets bullied at times.
[15] Bouncing ideas off of others can be great fun. Unfortunately if you become too many weird things around Siamese-type cats, they become incredibly OCD. With them, their hypothalamic state is pretty much pre-wired. So give them any excuse for anxiety and OCD’s the first thing they will be, toileting issues later. My cats moved with me when they were ~ ten months old. They have been treated well, and consistently loved (practice for me too).
I don’t raise my voice with them; singing my soul song most of the time.
Nonetheless, both Luna and Violet love to chew. Plastic in this case. (Previous Siamese cats ate my leotards, tights, and knee socks!). When they get riled up in any way (vacuum cleaners…) they start over being neurotic. That is how the engrams work. Now, Violet does that (and scratching) to get my attention. I can see it in her eyes when she’s looking at me being mischievous!
[16] Alone – All-one, is a relative state of presence. In this case, my immediate company are my cats (when the door is open). Otherwise I’m all-one in at-one-ment. (For now)
