Gimel גמל

is our priestess of self who bears heart’s call to G-d above- and His blessings back to us.

With our cries, She guides His breath.

It is to Gimel, Psych bears our flames of nonverbal agony such as when a hive mind[1] is severely imbalanced or neglected- when it once had a job to do (it was induced)- as your heart’s prayer.

Subject to pure reciprocity, Psych stirs Her vessel when vapor- super heated emotions rise like mist escaping from water’s containments.

It is in our quiet moments, sleeping and meditating, we can receive the (sometimes abstract and confusing) dream-like little dots of Yod that flash as almost thoughts..

Those individual harbingers of Neptune’s triune-tipped vision useful and helpful and essential to help us grow in Holy sovereignty.

 (At least in my case…and until now that is.)

Her tract bypasses rationality- nor can Will shut Her down. Of Him, She’s independent, but also supplicant.

From her come glimpses of answers to such questions as, ‘Who or why in the world am I here?’ and other existential yearnings.

(Symptoms of which may imply we aren’t getting out of our hermitage enough…)

She appears uninvited when life’s fractals don’t add up – when emotions- triggered hormonal sensations, are dissonant and out of synch between inside and outside worlds, or at life’s dim points.

She ‘speaks’ with cryptic flashes of symbolic image. Though messages she brings, do come to pass[2] and are accurate.

Constructed by our mirrors’ blueprint, She is our higher brain’s receptacle hologram of cup, on which surface dances our spark. The steadier she is held, the brighter we sparkle.

*****

Gimel can materialize as if emerging from sandstorm -experiences of wild angular  scraping by earth’s mineral crystal. Like the caustic conflicts leave us shred to shards- and feeling effaced- and we need someone or something to turn to.

*****

In Hebrew, Gimel גמל is the name for camel. It is Gimel who stores love’s water in her one or two humps to sustain Her corpus while crossing  lands of interminable dry wadi.

She traverses our deserts – heart’s parched place where love’s nectars are hidden, stuck, lost or buried- aside from rare green patch of oasis.

She brings a sip of sweet ‘water’ just when I need it, and too, sometimes clobber.

She often carries Her burdens thanklessly – receiving little, but many a beating. No wonder She can be so biting and bitchy! And she does spit and vomit[3] whenever she feels threatened. Please don’t be fooled by Her beautiful long eyelashes, She can nip and kick especially when your back is turned.

Give Her space and regular feeding, and she’ll be faithful to you.

*****

It was in the desert, hu(e)-man first saw G-d.

(Maybe He is not so needed, living in earth’s more forgiving garden lands),[4]

instead,he lives in Sa-hara’s harsh sands, winds and sun answer him with lonely whistles and vistas of scorching boundless ripples.

Isn’t it still the nomadic trader or traveler who brings tales of faraway places fueling spark and dreams? . How does one dream of things unknown to them- and give them meaning?

There is so much more to what appears measurable. Photons meeting the eye are a superficial emanation of boson effecting electron probabilities. We both draw, and are drawn into, our individual futures.

*****

( How could desert hu(e)-man not wonder, “Isn’t there more to our world?”, and not be horrified to see how we’re spoiling it! Or worse, to see you treating their lands badly, and yours as if they’re better.)

*****

It is Gimel’s subliminal neural path, to share vision and dreams to our consciousness.

Some of her offerings are fleeting trickles of symbol; others might slam us physiologically- even give sensations of being flattened.

When out of alignment,  she tends to send nightmares.

You can help to reach Her, by being in quiet stillness. While it takes practice,  which take some time to build resonance. Then Her lessons are not so harshly blind-siding (usually).

*****

She is also accessed with ecstatic experiences when actions (like taking drugs or dancing) open gates to the heights and depths of consciousness (mostly by shutting inhibition off and letting dopamine flood).  But then Her insights are fleeting. [5]

Without context, Her illuminations may not stick, but maybe they’re useful anyway. [6]

*****

Gimel, the letter herself, ג, is Nun נ , but has a tail like kickstand- as if to say, “now wait a moment”… “hold up a bit, before you jump headlong into the Nun’s נ depths”.

When She shows up, you’ll know soon is the time to shift your life’s labyrinth- the rutted path you’re stoop-edly treading- is in need of a new vantage.

*****

In Kabbalah, Gimel is on the middle ‘pillar’ – compared to the two sides of the tree –She is not of dominion’s forms and structures; nor is She spirit itself- our DNA.

She is quite appropriate for Her task at hand –to bring Heart’s cries to reach His ears.

Or when our name’s vowels are spoken with (or without) particular spirit, She does awaken- you can be sure of it.

But I tell you She listens, when you say inward or outward, ‘I do trust in Him that I have all tools I need’. Watch and see if your dreams don’t shift.

Typically Keter answers with Aleph א and Beth  ב –as there is not one without the other. To ‘get’ the blessings ( ב) we must both be willing to surrender ( א) and receive for oneself (too) ( ד) . Such are Binah’s parameters.

Not so typically, He can answer with direct ascension (apparently).

*****

With a ‘G’ in Her name, (which appears nowhere else in the names of the Hebrew’s letters), She alone bears the spark of joy’s[7] deep and flowing resonance. With her name and shapes, her “G” sounds jzh, just like the French. In her is both Mem’s מ open and closed ם essence(s)[8]. She is our tuning fork.

It is no mistake, Gimel’s “G” (in cursive English) is shaped like letter Mem  at the end of a word ם.

Mem מ itself is ~Vau ו wed with Kaph כ. Open or closed, מים can seem cold (even frigid) without Kaph’s assurance- of being in the palm of His hand.

ג is not Mem מים , but more the sparkling on the water – belying the currents deep underneath.  From a distance she looks vibrant.

Unlike Qoph though, She is not sourced artful projection but shines Her flame from above.

Luckily Gimel has three crowns (Keterim AKA Tagin) from Divinity. So She’s emanation of Yod in trinity. You just don’t see Her crowns on our typing keyboards, so its easy to forget She’s extra-special sacred[9]. She’s usually apparitional, glowing in our darkness- but once in a while chokes or flames.

On the Kabbalah tree of life, it is She who reciprocally bears Love and Light to and from Tipheret – our heart’s center, and Keter- our crown.  Our heart is where the jewel lies (even if covered with pearl-like nacre or black with tar).

You might imagine Her as a tube of pure white selenite (such as glowing halo in 3D), extending like fiber optic cable from infinity – our energy flame’s experience of being part of Galactic center’s Big Bang. This ‘tube’ projects through our  galaxy’s lens of solar system (our personal astrology), extends via your crown, to end on pineal gland’s tips.

Without beckoning and being welcome, Her light goes no further.

*****

Life changes- which could be considered the results of metaphysical ‘sand storms’, are eased by connections to our friends and family. These webs restore our resilience when our life tests don’t go so well- especially from the web’s point of view. Which mostly wants to keep you reliably being you.

Life feels especially painful when those we “love” are stripped[10] from us and we are left with holes in our net. 

A flip side of resilience- we can more easily bounce back unchanged. Perhaps we don’t need to learn a lesson (yet).  Otherwise, without our safety nets to keep us in definition (our projection of self), we must shift a bit; not all patches are as flexible for example.

This is the purpose for reincarnation, to gain tools and become whole from within.

*****

Gimel גמל – has no Tau ת in Her name. She doesn’t manifest by Herself; nor has she Heh’s ה window of opportunity. Gimel’s dharma is to bear our upwellings and to bestow -to any part of us that listens.

As She imparts, she ends with L (Lamed). This suggests our acceptance and grasp of  G-d’s truth is (completely) subjective[11]. Clarity we do realize, is but a tiny fraction of G-d’s potential lessons and messages.

We manifest all things with our patience and obedience[12]. From boson perspective, we are expanding blindly into our unknown when we choose to navigate without Her.

It is She we summon when life gets hairy traversing Da’at.

At least, that is my experience. Being willing to surrender helps to ease me out of my depths[13].  We can float when relaxed- not bound.

How we fill the shapes we are given, the ‘devil’ is in our details and hidden by statistics.

Gimel (I’m pretty sure ‘likes’ being named with a zJh sound rather than Guh) is pretty badass, but She is no Sadhu or “wise one”.   That would be Chokmah’s realm.

No wonder ג looks like Nun נ with a tail. ג is our dragon’s queen. 

Peace and blessings be upon you!

[P.S. None of this makes raising kids much easier. My eldest (almost 28 year-old son is still furious with me for being in his words, “a toxic narcissist”.  He sent me a video explaining all about it.

I did find child-rearing hard (my excuse- no reasonable models of my own) and was relieved my “calling” as physician, got me away from home’s chaos.

Not knowing ‘love’ for myself, and having low (dare I say negligible?) self esteem, my boundaries sucked, I could not be model of emotional health- despite being in traditional forms of therapy almost continuously since I was 13!!! (Cumulatively spent to the tune of $100K.)

It didn’t help that my son didn’t seem to like being touched or cuddled. (Or was this my projection- was his ‘stiffness’ even real? Both, probably.) He seemed to prefer his dad. But then maybe he couldn’t stand I was inside and out two-faced?![14]

He felt, understandably, my heart wasn’t (and seems isn’t?) open to him. These days our conversations are by text – and inevitably end with him giving me ultimatums.  Words can really f*ck things up, I’ll tell you!

Truthfully, I was so terrified I’d lose him whenever he made poor decisions- my brain (and heart) shut down to block having to experience those hormones such losses bring about.

I’d felt them before, essentially losing both parents – one to mental illness, the other to the Bunny Club, when I was much too young and couldn’t process both losing and not losing them-at the same time (and pet, home and single doll with a sudden 3000 mile move when I was 5 with my bureau drawers’ contents, stuffed in a pillow case).

When my son failed or acted out at school, I tried to expose him to new people, places and things. Maybe private school would be a better option – so I switched him  – hoping he’d find a niche (public school didn’t attract him and he wouldn’t follow through with projects or assignments…) Since he was young for his class (born on August 28), they chose to hold him back. I’m sorry for that.

He feels I ripped his heart out.

Hearing about me feeling “possessed” has also sent him for a loop, and been the final straw, I’m afraid.  There seems nothing I say or do is of reassurance. Because I don’t have that either.]


[1] Hive mind is any reticulated solid organ which has intracellular unity of connection. The largest hive mind is the heart- but we don’t thrive without all of them functioning.

[2] Naturally all is on Saturn’s time -meaning SLOW according to our 3D world, even if a thing has “already happened” in the metaphysical. Still, it can be hard to wait for life to rectify!

[3]I used to spit and vomit as vile habits  (and others). Spitting happens when I get really mad. I can’t help it- No matter how ladylike and polite I want to be. I’ve spat at a couple of men, a few times, come to think of it. (Insert feeling sheepish emoji) Vomiting, I had bulimia ~QID for about 15 years. I must have some camel in me.

And it’s ‘learned’ behavior. Camels learn to do it from each other.

(In my world ‘no mistakes or accidences’ I’m coincidentally having another set of upset text volleys with my son.

For him it’s a time of naming his experience of upbringing-  may that set him on a path for healing too. (So Gimel bears this path too.) His texts are painful to read-especially since there’s always an element of truth. 

He brought up the spitting (which I indelibly did in a fight with my ex-, in front of him.)

His reference to the spitting triggered a memory that camels spit when they are pissed –and defensive.  Turns out they do, but it’s really vomiting! LOL

[4] It’s easier to be liberal and forgiving living in verdance than when subjected to long harsh periods of unforgiving conditions- where people must stay together.

feelings of judgment- whether a sensation or situation is “good” or “bad”, triggered when cravings and aversion get a bit too rattled, are created by the mind- and how it is programmed.

[5] I have to confess I did a little LSD trip (when I was 13)- ½ tab of orange barrel. For me it was a medicine. I spent all night in a church, receiving blessings. Though I didn’t understand all I ‘saw’ then, I’ve come to since.  Another time 2 years later, was in rainy nature. Both seemed very helpful at the time.

[6] Personally I was always hoping to make it in 3D without a whole lot of help from forces outside of me-specifically the forces of the occult. So I turned to G-d, like everyone else.  I needed something for a wound that wouldn’t staunch.

[7] In a dualistic world, one cannot know joy without knowing sorrow- such as when you’re reunited with a loved one seemingly lost. And sadly, it’s opposite. Losses make the rest of your relationships a little more precious at the same time.

[8] Look closely at Mem and you will see two forms – one is open, the other closed. Both are made from Vau with Kaph. When open, Mem’s water- G-d’s Love (and Shekinah’s material abundance) flows like a bubbling spring, brook, or river, reminding She is there to quench us. The word for water in Hebrew is Mem-Yod-Mem מים. Water seeks it’s own level, such that She layers.

At the end of the word, Mem ם is closed implying the self-contained state of water pond or ocean. Closed, Her water and drops are latent and hidden. In great depths, water cannot freeze, though it may super cool and thicken.  Closed, Gimel has shape of a harp –like  an (English) ‘G’ in cursive. Before singing, a harp must be ‘struck’ -even if gently. That requires a thing or being outside of us, to strike our chords.

[9] Also called tagin; these extra-special sacred letters have outsize effects on our programming (and worth being introduced to early – so we can develop richness of nuance). They are Gimel (savior/priestess/camel/sharing), Zayin (weapon, “I am” vs “IAM”) , Shin (spirit (esp how it needs to be supported with ‘diet’), Ayin (eye), Tzadi (lure), Teth (orphic egg/serpent/hope), and Nun (death and dissolution). These boson forces are extra important in shaping our lives and perspectives- and how we deal with our Yod-like waterfalls.

[10] It may seem boring to consider sand as anything but grit. But each grain is really a microscopic crystal like NO OTHER! Looking at them under a microscope each has its own inner magnificence and it’s own story line  of how it got to be in your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. (Thank G-d for constant effluents).

[11] With the angle in it, the letter ‘L’, suggests the projection of G-d on our reality- interpreted with our distortion from biases (like Pinocchio’s nose).

[12] LOL, this idea came to me a few years ago, and I was like, “No way, that is way too easy”- (that  we don’t have to struggle for anything).  Just ‘follow the Laws and your heart’s calling’ was the message I got. (Sounds easy, but it is not.) Besides, don’t I like the drama of worrying I didn’t do something perfectly?! Now you know, worrying is entirely unnecessary. All is ‘right’ in your here and now, from the vantage of YOUR lineage’s evolution- the dragon tail in each of us. (Our inherited inner wisdom is the dragon’s South node in your astro chart. We are striving to become balanced and whole – with our North.)

[13] I keep telling myself – still in throes of often full-on possession.

[14] He beat me at my own game I didn’t know about. Lying to everyone with a straight face, and using an even and calm voice– when inside I was roiling with feelings imbued with cortisol and laced with high adrenaline- which he experienced nine months in utero and from them on could read me. Or it could be, he is triple Virgo- bless his heart!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s