Gimel, kabbalistically is our priestess of self who bears heart’s call to G-d above. And bears His blessings back to us.
With our cries froom Tipheret, She guides His breath from Keter.
It is to spirit of Gimel, ג, light being and moon G-ddess (of self), heart’s consciousness bears our flames of nonverbal agony (a-gon-y – away from genesis – and witnessed). such as when a hive mind[1] is too imbalanced to keep in integrity- and is failing. Or too long neglected- when it has been awakened already- with love is induced.
When primal DNA opens – stirred somewhere in it’s 100,000 thousand year old mammalian lineage by a (perceived as) life-threatening problem, one’s being hasn’t met yet, our mind might experience this as a threat (instead or treat) – sending involuntary prayer- sensations- from our heart’s Christa – (or perhaps from the hilum of any particular organ – might suffice) .
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(Always) subject to pure reciprocity, when Psych- our (sub-)consciousness of mesodermal self, stirs from “slumber” – as in her state of distraction or of not being reminded, each time she is triggered will take time, to be restored. This is our mesoderm I’m talking about. As she is activated to respond- she triggers the rest of the hive minds in a room or close to her as well. As we are the sum of our mitochondrial entity’s, we are shift-shapers of energy. Energetically our shifts ‘broadcast’ to nearby ‘listeners’ nearby. at least those with whom she is resonant.-those who might be available to her.
It is in our quiet moments, sleeping and meditating, we can receive the (sometimes abstract and confusing) flashes of Yod – perhaps will be a dot of dream-like, almost-thought, presenting like twinge of fractal shard.
Those individual harbingers of Neptune’s triune-tipped visions are useful, helpful and essential to help our Holy sovereignty to grow and become whole. With each lightening, especially releasing others from our karma, Spirit cleans facets of our Holy Merkabah- ( vessel made from how we live our Kabbala). When our vessel’s paths are all accessible- balanced and Holy, we can’t but glow.
(At least in my case…and until now that is.)
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Gimel’s tract bypasses rationality- nor can Will shut Her down. Of Him, She’s independent, but also supplicant.
From her come glimpses of answers to such questions as, ‘Who or why in the world am I here?’ and other existential yearnings.
(Symptoms of which may imply we aren’t getting out of our hermitage enough…)
She appears uninvited when life’s fractals don’t add up – when emotions- triggered hormonal sensations, are dissonant and out of synch between inside and outside worlds, and at life’s dim points.
She ‘speaks’ with cryptic flashes of symbolic image. Though messages she brings, do come to pass[2] and are accurate. You can trust them as they are your intuition.
Constructed by our mirrors’ blueprint, She is our higher brain’s receptacle hologram of our cup and light being-on whose surface our spark dances. Subject to moon’s phases, is labile and inconstant – without practice. Her efforts can seem wishy-washy. The steadier she is held, the brighter we sparkle.
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Gimel can materialize as if emerging from sandstorm- experiences of wild angular effacing scraping by earth’s mineral crystal or caustic conflicts that leave us shred by verbal shards. Effaced- we need someone or something to turn to- such as our hope of Higher self and Power- Our maybe to our ‘Dad” figure.
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In Hebrew, Gimel גמל is the name for camel. It is Gimel who stores love’s water in her one or two humps to sustain Her corpus while crossing lands of interminable dry wadi.
She traverses our deserts – heart’s parched place where love’s nectars are hidden, stuck, lost or buried- aside from rare green patch of oasis- or perhaps hearing a child play.
She brings a sip of sweet ‘water’ just when I need it, and too, sometimes clobber.
She often carries Her burdens thanklessly – receiving little, but many a beating. No wonder She can be so biting and bitchy! And she does spit and vomit[3] whenever she feels threatened. Please don’t be fooled by Her beautiful long eyelashes, She can nip and kick especially when your back is turned.
Give Her space and regular feeding, and she’ll be faithful to you.
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It was in the desert, hu(e)-man first saw G-d.
Maybe He is not so needed, living in earth’s more forgiving garden lands),[4]
instead, G-d’s disciple lives in Sa-hara’s harsh sands, winds and sun answer him with lonely whistles and vistas of scorching boundless ripples.
Isn’t it still the nomadic trader or traveler who brings tales of faraway places fueling spark and dreams? . How does one dream of things unknown to them- and give them meaning?
There is so much more to what appears measurable. Photons meeting the eye are a superficial emanation of boson effecting electron probabilities. We both draw, and are drawn into, our individual futures.
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( How could desert hu(e)-man not wonder, “Isn’t there more to our world?”, and not be horrified to see how we’re spoiling it! Or worse, to see you treating their lands badly, and yours -as if they’re better.)
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It is Gimel’s subliminal neural path, to share vision and dreams to our consciousness.
Some of her offerings are fleeting trickles of symbol; others might slam us physiologically- even give sensations of being flattened.
When out of alignment, or suppressed, she tends to send nightmares.
You can help to reach Her, by being in quiet stillness. While it takes practice, which take some time to build resonance. Then Her lessons are not so harshly blind-siding (usually) though I’m still reeling from my last one.
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She is also accessed with ecstatic experiences with actions like taking drugs or dancing open gates to the heights and depths of consciousness (mostly by shutting inhibition off and letting dopamine flood). But then Her insights are fleeting- seem to have questionable practical applicability. [5] Not sure about mini-dosing to become “awake” and aware.
Without context, Her illuminations may not stick, but maybe they’re useful anyway. [6]
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Gimel, the letter herself, ג, is Nun נ , but has a tail like kickstand- as if to say, “now wait a moment”… “hold up a bit, before you jump headlong into the Nun’s נ depths”.
When She shows up, you’ll know soon is the time to shift your life’s labyrinth- the rutted path you’re stoop-edly treading- is in need of a new vantage.
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In Kabbalah, Gimel is on the middle ‘pillar’ – compared to the two sides of the tree –She is not of dominion’s forms and structures; nor is She spirit itself- our energetic DNA’s manifestation..
She is quite appropriate for Her task at hand –to bring Heart’s cries to reach His ears.
Or when our name’s vowels are spoken with (or without) particular spirit, She does awaken- you can be sure of it.
But when you say inward or outward, ‘I do trust in Him that I have all tools I need’. Watch and see if your dreams don’t shift. Then you’ll know she’s listenng.
Typically Keter answers with Aleph א and Beth ב –as there is not one without the other. To ‘get’ the blessings ( ב- Beis/Beth) we must both be willing to surrender ( א) and receive for oneself (too) ( ד) . Such are Binah’s parameters.
Not so typically, He can answer with direct ascension (apparently).
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With a ‘G’ in Her name, (which appears nowhere else in the names of the Hebrew’s letters), She alone bears the spark of joy’s[7] deep and flowing resonance. With her name and shapes, her “G” sounds jzh, just like the French. In her is both Mem’s מ open and closed ם essence(s)[8]. “She” as “G”. is our tuning fork.
It is no mistake, Gimel’s “G” (in cursive English) is shaped like letter Mem at the end of a word ם.
Mem מ itself is ~Vau ו wed with Kaph כ. Open or closed, מים can seem cold (even frigid) without Kaph’s assurance- of being in the palm of His hand.
ג is not Mem מים , but more the sparkling on the water – belying currents deep underneath. From a distance she looks vibrant.
Unlike Qoph though, She is not sourced artful projection but shines Her flame from above.
Gimel has three crowns (Keterim AKA Tagin) from Divinity. So She’s emanation of Yod in trinity. You just don’t see Her crowns on our typing keyboards, so its easy to forget She’s extra-special sacred[9]. She’s usually apparitional, glowing in our darkness- but once in a while chokes or flames.
On the Kabbalah tree of life, it is She who reciprocally bears Love and Light to and from Tipheret – our heart’s center, and Keter- our crown. Our heart is where the jewel lies (even if covered with pearl-like nacre or black with tar).
You might imagine Her as a tube of pure white selenite (such as glowing halo in 3D), extending like fiber optic cable from infinity – our energy flame’s experience of being part of Galactic center’s Big Bang. This ‘tube’ projects through our galaxy’s lens of solar system (our personal astrology), extends via your crown, to end on pineal gland’s tips.
Without beckoning and being welcome, Her light goes no further.
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Life changes- which could be considered the results of metaphysical ‘sand storms’, are eased by connections to our friends and family. These webs restore our resilience when our life tests don’t go so well- especially from the web’s point of view. Which mostly wants to keep you reliably being you- not shifting changing, nor growing in integrity..
Life feels especially painful when those we “love” are stripped[10] from us and we are left with holes in our net.
A flip side of resilience- we can more easily bounce back unchanged. Perhaps we don’t need to learn a lesson (yet). Otherwise, without our safety nets to keep us in definition (our projection of self), we must shift a bit; not all patches are as flexible.
This is the purpose for reincarnation, to gain tools and become whole from within.
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Gimel גמל – has no Tau ת in Her name. She doesn’t manifest by Herself; nor has she Heh’s ה window of opportunity. Gimel’s dharma is to bear our upwellings and to bestow -to any part of us that listens.
As She imparts, she ends with L (Lamed). This suggests our acceptance and grasp of G-d’s truth is (completely) subjective[11]. Clarity we do realize, is but a tiny fraction of G-d’s potential lessons and messages.
We manifest all things with our patience and obedience[12]. From boson perspective, we are expanding blindly into our unknown when we choose to navigate without Her.
It is She we summon when life gets hairy traversing Da’at.
At least, that is my experience. Being willing to surrender helps to ease me out of my depths[13]. We can only float when relaxed- not bound.
How we fill the shapes we are given, the ‘devil’ is in our details and hidden by statistics.
Gimel (I’m pretty sure ‘likes’ being named with a zJh sound rather than Guh) is pretty badass, but She is no Sadhu or “wise one”. That would be Chokmah’s realm.
No wonder ג looks like Nun נ with a tail. ג is our dragon’s queen.
Peace and blessings be upon you!
[P.S. None of this makes raising kids much easier. My eldest (almost 28 year-old son is still furious with me for being in his words, “a toxic narcissist”. He sent me a video explaining all about it.
I did find child-rearing hard (my excuse- no reasonable models of my own) and was relieved by my “calling”, as physician. Work got me away from home’s chaos.
Not knowing ‘love’ for myself, and having low (dare I say negligible?) self esteem, my boundaries sucked, I could not be model of emotional health- despite being in traditional forms of therapy almost continuously since I was 13!!! (Cumulatively spent to the tune of $100K.)
It didn’t help that my son didn’t seem to like being touched or cuddled. (Or was this my projection- was his ‘stiffness’ even real? Both, probably.) He seemed to prefer his dad. But then maybe he couldn’t stand I was inside and out two-faced?![14]
He feels, understandably, my heart wasn’t open to him. How can you love someone when you know it not yourself?These days our conversations are by text – and inevitably end with him giving me ultimatums. Words can really f*ck things up, I’ll tell you!
Truthfully, I was so terrified I’d lose him whenever he made poor decisions- my brain (and heart) shut down to block having to experience those hormones such losses bring about.
I’d felt them before, essentially losing both parents – one to mental illness, the other to the Bunny Club, when I was much too young and couldn’t process both losing and not losing them-at the same time (along with pet, home and single doll with a sudden 3000 mile move when I was 5- with my bureau drawers’ contents, stuffed in a pillow case).
When my son failed or acted out at school, I tried to expose him to new people, places and things. Maybe private school would be a better option – so I switched him – hoping he’d find a niche (public school didn’t attract him and he wouldn’t follow through with projects or assignments…) Since he was young for his class (born on August 28), they chose to hold him back. I’m sorry for that.
He feels I ripped his heart out.
Hearing about me feeling “possessed” has also sent him for a loop, and been the final straw, I’m afraid. There seems nothing I say or do is of reassurance. Because I don’t have that either.]
[1] Hive mind is any reticulated solid organ which has intracellular unity of connection. The largest hive mind is the heart- but we don’t thrive without all of them functioning.
[2] Naturally all is on Saturn’s time -meaning SLOW according to our 3D world, even if a thing has “already happened” in the metaphysical. Still, it can be hard to wait for life to rectify!
[3]I used to spit and vomit as vile habits (and others). Spitting happens when I get really mad. I can’t help it- No matter how ladylike and polite I want to be. I’ve spat at a couple of men, a few times, come to think of it. (Insert feeling sheepish emoji) Vomiting, I had bulimia ~QID for about 15 years. Maybe I have some camel in me.
And “it’s”vomiting” and spitting are ‘learned’ behaviors. As in, Camels learn to do it from each other.
(In my world ‘no mistakes or accidents’, as I write this, I’m coincidentally having another set of upset text volleys with my son.
For him it’s a time of naming his experience of upbringing- may that set him on a path for healing too. (So Gimel bears this path too.) His texts are painful to read-especially since there’s always an element of truth.
He brought up the spitting (which I indelibly did in a fight with my ex-, in front of him.)
(His reference to the spitting triggered a memory that camels spit when they are pissed –and defensive. Turns out they do, but it’s really vomiting! LOL)
[4] It’s easier to be liberal and forgiving living in verdance than when subjected to long harsh periods of unforgiving conditions- where people must stay together.
feelings of judgment- whether a sensation or situation is “good” or “bad”, are triggered when cravings and aversion get a bit too rattled. All are the result of being created by the mind- and how it is programmed.
[5] I have to confess I did a little LSD trip (when I was 13)- ½ tab of orange barrel. For me it was a medicine. I spent all night in a church, receiving blessings. Though I didn’t understand all I ‘saw’ then, I’ve come to since. Another time 2 years later, was in rainy nature. Both seemed very helpful at the time. It will be interesting to see how the new micro-dosing movement pans out.
[6] Personally I was always hoping to make it in 3D without a whole lot of help from forces outside of me-specifically the forces of the occult. So I turned to G-d, like many, when I needed help for a wound that wouldn’t staunch.
[7] In a dualistic world, one cannot know joy without knowing sorrow- such as when you’re reunited with a loved one seemingly lost. And sadly, it’s also the opposite. Losses make the rest of your relationships a little more precious at the same time.
[8] Look closely at Mem and you will see two forms – one is open, the other closed. Both are made from Vau with Kaph. When open, Mem’s water- G-d’s Love (and Shekinah’s material abundance) flows like a bubbling spring, brook, or river, reminding She is there to quench us. The word for water in Hebrew is Mem-Yod-Mem מים. Water seeks it’s own level, such that She layers.
At the end of the word, Mem ם is closed implying the self-contained state of water pond or ocean. Closed, Her water and drops are latent and hidden. In great depths, water cannot freeze, though it may super cool and thicken. Closed,Mem has shape of a harp –like an (English) ‘G’ in cursive. Before singing, a harp must be ‘struck’ -even if gently. That requires a thing or being outside of us, to strike our chords.
[9] Also called tagin; these extra-special sacred letters have outsize effects on our programming (and worth being introduced to early – so we can develop richness of nuance). They are Gimel (savior/priestess/camel/sharing), Zayin (weapon, “I am” vs “IAM”) , Shin (spirit (esp how it needs to be supported with ‘diet’), Ayin (eye), Tzadi (lure), Teth (orphic egg/serpent/hope), and Nun (death and dissolution). These boson forces are extra important in shaping our lives and perspectives- and how we deal with our Yod-like waterfalls.
[10] It may seem boring to consider sand as anything but grit. But each grain is really a microscopic crystal like NO OTHER! Looking at them under a microscope each has its own inner magnificence and it’s own story line of how it got to be in your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. (Thank G-d for constant effluents).
[11] With the angle in it, the letter ‘L’, suggests the projection of G-d on our reality- interpreted with our distortion from biases (like Pinocchio’s nose). We may hear words, but how we interpret them reflects our inner biases.
[12] LOL, this idea came to me a few years ago, and I was like, “No way, that is way too easy”- (that we don’t have to struggle for anything). Just ‘follow the Laws and your heart’s calling’ was the message I got. (Sounds easy, but it is not.) Besides, don’t I like the drama of worrying I didn’t do something perfectly?! Now you know, worrying is entirely unnecessary. All is ‘right’ in your here and now, from the vantage of YOUR lineage’s evolution- the dragon tail in each of us. (Our inherited inner wisdom is the dragon’s South node in your astro chart. We are striving to become balanced and whole – with our North.)
[13] I keep telling myself – still in throes of often full-on possession.
[14] He beat me at my own game I didn’t know about. Lying to everyone with a straight face, and using an even and calm voice– when inside I was roiling with feelings imbued with cortisol and laced with high adrenaline- which he experienced nine months in utero and from them on could read me. Or it could be, he is triple Virgo- bless his heart!
