Lamed  ל

The path of Lamed ל is our experience of day-to-day decisions we make to stay in our commitments towards those we love; our corpus of family. Could be pronounced La’ med, l’ame d, or lamed- the latter like caused an ouch.

With Lamed’s ל path, as our truths unfold, we may feel a bit lamed, slowed down. On Kabbalistic Tree Of Life, Lamed ל reciprocally connects beauty with severity- Tiphereth to Gebvurah. Lamed’s ל  boson emanation as statistical electron being- bounces and radiates photons in a prod-shape.  His density of dark matter is a stave with single tine. Lamed’s ל path unfolds to and from Gebvurah sephiroth of limits and boundaries – laws of power and geometry- needed for us to be[1].

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Lamed ל is a special letter as he is one of fear’s harbinger (Zain ז wakes me up too). On our ‘right’ side, with Zain ז uses breath. Our right chest is our breath without heart present; words and spells we say to others.  

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With Lamed’s ל spelled as ‘L’ form, Vau’s ו arrow of spirit “I”– collides with one’s terra of firmament.  IAM’s shape is no longer straight Yod ׳ reaching mark- but Yod  ׳ bends to Vau  ו when He hits atmosphere. 

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When Vau’s ו tack hits an impenetrable wall, or Zain’s ז weapon bends with over application, “I am” flails, to deliver our chariot ח to its fateful destination.

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Lamed ל is described to be Vau ו over Kaf כ, as if applying to one under, a palm-sized amount of G-d’s severity.  Our need for Lamed ל results from Cheth’s ח excessive Zain ז or Vau ו, Teth’s ט temptations, and too much mantra Mem מ.

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Look closely at Lamed ל, see His little zigzag curve – prong-like in pictures – apply force from above, results must be aimed. Recipient doesn’t receive hit directly; results bound to be a bit askew.

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Disciplining transgression (s)– judged by man as hu(e)-man, is not G-d, so tends to be off- imperfect. May we keep some humility.

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The nice thing about Lamed ל though is Vau’s ו initial force of thrust, is dispersed over a curve changing direction. With staff or rod directly making contact axially- thrust must be gauged. A prod can feel much harsher- never mind the recoil!

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Recall Gebvurahs’ ‘tools’ are spear, chain, scourge, and mace. His emissaries are the fiery (red) Seraphim. This is a crew not easy to deal with- can seem like Hell on earth, ‘cause it literally is.

Lately the world has seen quite a lot of Gebvurah, they call him “war”. He’s called in to counter a world of Chesed’s endless mercies and mindless permissiveness.

Sadly war wins more often than insight, and does not help a community economy.

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Lamed ל is a tester – usually is a male, or Zain ז self (weapon), decides-“yes” or “no”  yay or nea, most– so is of testosterone. His tests  ‘prove’ our vessels of form- discerning needs from wants.  His magistrate judgment keeps us on a path straight and narrow – and may feel at odds with spirit’s call.  Be patient, your time will come, but keep up your good works in the meanwhile.

We may gain scars and deformity[2]. But for our dharmas we are still perfect, though they be yet to unfold.

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As life’s judgments hone our soul’s vessel of personal consonant –the beauty of one’s IAM in I AM, starts to show. [3]

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Mourning imperfections, forgiving, not forgetting[4], we gain new dimension to our understanding[5] of I_AM, becoming IAM.

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When it comes to clarity, Tiphereth’s colors are clear rose reds, apricot, and gold. To get from Gebvurah’s darker ‘colors’, we need lose goo.

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 May we  lighten our layers of be-liefs to reveal a self more sacred, scared or, scarred- but truer to our individual merkaba light body vessel. 

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Our name manifest as it sounds together in balance with its consonants and spoken.

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Our light body just happens to look like the lemnisceal body of brainstem’s corpus – where all the secondary sensory – mirror neurons create little holographic pictures along with event-stamped sensual engrams. Recalling said events, doesn’t give one dopamine.

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When Lamed ל tests , our inflexibility reminds us of life’s physical edges. Bubbles get popped. We think we’ve reached a horizon-to find no-thing special.

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We can’t unlearn experiences.  Lamed ל demands we be fair and taught right from wrong- the Ten Commandments and “Do unto others (all sentient beings), as you would have them do unto you”.

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His Laws are for the benefit of all beings of Gaia as We are reflected in her creature.

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La-med ל could also be l’ame-d; goading in love’s supernal gateway – (not the same as reality,  no T for tau, but then it’s easy with an ‘n’ , illusion of Nuns’ little deaths, to end up with lamentations.)

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With relationships’ balance of form in Assiatic manifesting world, bumps and bruises of Lamed’s little goads, our heart gains in wisdom in context to our ‘others’ in our tapestry.

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As bumps to our groove are in relation to our actions or words with an ‘other’- and what we did or didn’t do, (realm of Venus) – Netzach’s emotional spirit, magnetizes us ? inexorably into engaging situations. Tests are for “Love’s sake”.

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So Lamed’s ל path is more pronounced when Venus, our emotional hormone self, is out of control…pressuring especially with chronic cortisol.  Some how, some way, our will got us into a pickle- even if it was the other guy’s fault- and has somehow became a persistent intrusion- despite an objective life of freedom from ‘the wheel’ (relative to most others, that is) of life work and/or family.

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With time- Saturn’s theme again, we efface ideals to conform to actuality and become more temperate.

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So while chast(e)-ize-ment[6]– our experience of said prod, is painful to our sense of  I AM (our mental ego self), we are being given a chance.  Ch(a) in both words- both of ח the chariot- and Aleph’s א open mouth.

The other person even took their time to speak to you, so please listen!

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(For others to be focusing on you is a shame unless that’s their job, when there are so many fun things one could be doing.)

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Chastisement is a form of love to us- gives opportunity for us to reflect, even if not pleasant.  Painful lessons we learn from, not platitudes- at least until now. How does learn right from wrong without a gentle prodding at times- a little prick to our good conscience side? Shame on those who say otherwise.

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The demon might be your Chesedic self being a little too much of anything – too many ‘yeses’ – looks all light blue as if skyborn  and is of Jupiter not Saturn -completely detached from reality.

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(Feeling Chesed’s benevolence as protecting rather than menacing, is illusion and airy-fairy.)[7]

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You need Chet for real safety- to bring your chariot toward home; to where You are loved despite your weakness  and tru(e) love’s twin flame.

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Don’t forget our ‘judges’ see (or don’t see) according to their own biased cultural beliefs- layers of ancestrally programmed ‘rights  vs wrongs’. Things that did or didn’t work so well- rather let the the latter go.

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An eye-for-an-eye was one of them- in the end love and truth win. They aren’t wrong, but incomplete- your magistrate doesn’t walk in your shoes. So when standing before him, imagine seeing you, from his perspective.

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Your boss, another judge- might ‘beat you with stick’ in many places -if you misbehave from his unstated expectations- or maybe because in his mind, he pays you more than you’re worth. 

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Smarting from the crack, you get a little sharper, as a result- to avoid his blows. Not radiant, your flowers not blooming. You are honing to him.

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(Keep that in mind dumb dictator self who uses threat of power towards others. He will lose in the end, and have to come back again- reincarnating as opposite – in order to fill out!)

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Striking wounds both bodies. Each Psych becomes extra suggestible to irrationality from the created adrenaline state as flesh is slapped or contact is made.

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Few are beaten twice- for the same thing- unless they are ‘comfortable’ in the role of stoop-ed.

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Though there is still question of “What to do”, when the fractious choose to be disruptive – who don’t want to be schooled or in school – even if they ‘say’ they do- but actions speak otherwise? Start with a little prayer, ask them what they’ll get up for.

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Leave them at home to their schools of hard knocks, unless over 14 or (whatever age your community considers manhood); (naturally ‘girls are two years ahead verbally’, so 12 for them). Let parents refine their own values .

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Failing vocational school, not trained as essential workers, let them enlist in a service of labor – let the ‘men’ do exercise for the public good. Someone’s feeding them. Teach them to honor reciprocity and her power of reward. Our nation’s  corpus needs manpower- like national guard or PHS, not just do laundry and make license plates.  Go build a school or outdoor amphitheater. Why not provide them a stint with a drill sergeant?  

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Let them dig themselves out- but don’t hide the tools, though a ‘treasure’ hunt’s fair…. As long as you give clues.

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Put taxes to creating information consortiums- and protecting air and water.

You don’t have to lower ropes or spend money on relief programs- other than temporary.  In fact it’s best not. Let life prove to them their own ability to create successes. This builds trust in self- kind of like the army does- physically under duress.

(No wonder common sense isn’t favored by our get-all-you-can reward programs. Until now, complacency favors stoop-ed and unhealthy livelihoods.)

Add a cross on top, Lamed becomes  Saturn’s glyph . Since Lamed, is also with Libra’s scales,  Lamed entails weighing[8] -against Saturn’s limits and structures.

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The small cross atop Saturn’s glyph reminds us of our circumstances- we are nailed to the cross of life. With our first breath we embody our starting crystal of unique horoscope and houses ‘rising’ (ASCendant) and ‘starring’ mid-coelum (MC).

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Even the humble man, Tzadi צ sees with his Ayin ע eyes,  a being valuable = Chesed’s ח possibility-lustfully.

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There are nature’s pheromones. With G-d’s help, instead of developing these ideas, he puts them aside. A wise heart lets Lamed’s ל scales of judgment remind him- to keep pure.

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Helps him avoid unnecessary soul contracts. -each bond is karma can be measured in time spent attending to… (Literally and metaphysically not in the act of creation.)

A wise man knows to keep eye’s cast to the field in front of him – soft focus at a three foot radius. When another speaks, turn off your ‘binoculars’ for deeper listening, you might be surprised by what you hear!

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(Yet, even with doctors and teachers, women should be chaperoned, unless they decline- or docs honor tru(e) marriage in their heart. Golden molecules float ineffably- whatever attractants we’ve measured in nature can’t hold a candle to what we’ve got to attract mates to our self of body.)

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Conforming to any new package- that we hone more closely to expectations of those whom we perceive to be ‘over us’ in power, we need Gebvurah’s function as Sephiroth to constrict us- to flatten our wave forms with a few measurements.

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We can, and will reinflate later when life is ready for ‘that’ initially unwelcomed aspect; meanwhilesubjugate.

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When dandelion first blooms, it has a thistle form. A few days later that whole tufted part falls off- underneath are petals folded in a tight ball. These come out one by one, loosed by the sun and water.

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Our inner diamonds have quite a few sides! Focus on your positives; be gentle with your woundings. Ab-used, Psych feels lopped like badly pruned tree. Flower petals plucked prematurely.

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As very young children, we are immersed in our world. Toddlers experience each day as a brand new adventure in relationship – to the world around them and their parent’s implicit values- believing in ‘rules’ literally until 3 or 4. Experiences gradually build up a personal pattern of pictures.

Each set is different for each child – within the family – and within identical classrooms[9] later!

What is most similar immersion for each child might be their mother’s habits and rhythms of pregnancy-that’s it. Once visceral programming is over, baby is born. Training by verbal mantras heard crisply through air- comes next.

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Being immersed in ‘different’ or new, opens your ‘learning channel’[10] as you have a new world to notice. For a while you get to learn new patterns.  With school and friends, you gain a new set of faces in your persona- or so it might seem from your mother’s perspective.

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Many childhood’s families are described as stable[11]– there aren’t a lot of changes- except in physical bodies – or so it might seem to familiar outsider. When one thing changes, most often the rest of life doesn’t physically turn upside down- at least not immediately. Even if you want a whole new world, contracts run their courses.

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Unless and until you move to new place – could be anywhere, but even then, as children you have your parent(s).  Whatever in life the same, parents tether us as we weather transitions.  If mom is struggling, kids respond viscerally- driving behavior. Kids also sense when they’re trying to keep it together when life is not alright and need extra time for hugging – and is reassuring to one’s form of community.

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You needn’t get rid of all your crutches and supports at once, unless you have to for some reason. OMG, with quantum leaping you’ll reap lots of changes!

[Right now, the U.S. government has created a great crime against humanity with separating children from their parents. Fallout from that hasn’t even started. Completely severing their realities shows our cold and utter disregard for Her creature of humanity. Chickens will come home to roost.]

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I see each new ‘immersion’ as onion-layer like- all connected to one crown, our life’s experience could be viewed a field of vidalias. [12]Each experience creates a new set of ‘truths’ based on a previous in our various realms of family, friends, and overlord.

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Slow and emotionally charged utterances program our subconscious.  Thoughts build up from seeded ideals-and manifest as forebrain emanations (not neocortex). Later, these ‘onion’ layers are programmed by mantras imbedded with its particular set of associations.

With learning to ‘witness’, instead of respond, they loosen their charge from us. Without the juice of emotion, past lessons thin to ghosts until freed as a form of abscission. Though with force, we may lose a layer or two. Ripping is more painful. And etheric remnants remain.

(Maybe that’s what my LD is doing now- hoping by ghosting me, I’ll forget him? So says my son. If so, what consummate jerk!)

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We don’t forget anything from before, but try applying the old to the new- sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way we gain new teachers exactly when we need them.

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Change creates motion, transition and provides “opportunity”- shall we say?

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While we feel we are learning[13], our brains are goo-ing up- connecting constructs of idea – with attendant sensory crystalline holograms (sparked by dopamine or serotonin, oxytocin, or whatever ‘AH HA!’ is). Our magistrates[14]’s offerings incorporate. Our body still notices that which continues to resonate.

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The ‘matrix’ as it were currently sees hu(e)-mans as a pattern of 60,000 pixels; exploitable beings, identified by algorithm reflecting their creators. To fool them, emulate your unlike-you neighbor.

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As magistrates, we have spleen (quintessentially discriminatory) people, liver (passionate and opinionated) people, kidney (reflecting and releasing) people, lung (voice-users), and pancreas (finding the sweet) people. Teachers tend to be one of these[15].  

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“Learn” from discipline, or you go outside and learn from Her. Find a question to go look up. Either is OK and required for balance. (May I follow my own advice!)

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 With each Vipassana insight retreat, I felt like a mummy becoming unwrapped several winds – reliving and releasing sensations and body memories – quietly witnessing. At the end of the first one seeming as if my past life (s) were distant dreams uncorded from me (as they were in reality). Not so heavy and teth-ering to recall- but could be renewed, if needed again.

The second retreat felt like being in a fire for 10 days. Should have known something big was coming with my salamander omen[16] I saw on the first full day in the morning. I left with clarity of need for imminent resignation from Madigan’s army medical center.

The ultimate cord-cutting is being severed from the umbilical cord, but we won’t go into that now.

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Cord cutting, etheric or otherwise, and feeling dis-associated from all we once thought important, challenges our awakening. “What will I do, without such and such?”

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Letting healing  run its course (before reattaching with new rules and boundaries),  is needed to be comfortable in one’s own skin (and a life’s work).

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 The more we honor each other as humans, during these times, the more likely we’ll still get hugs! So build up your baseline and you’ll be  more resilient. [17]

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I used to wear a red string amulet of yarn said to have been blessed at Rachel’s tomb.  The description said ‘to guard against the evil eye’. Wearing it also designated oneself as wannabe Kabbalist. 

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It was bright crimson (polyester=long-lasting) yarn. Normally I don’t ask for personal things, I dreaded rejection or ridicule. Yet here I was, after dropping hints for weeks, readying my otherwise agnostic sons and husband that I wanted them to tie it on me, somewhere in nature with the four of us -while holding a quiet inner wish for me.

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The three of them tied it on my left wrist in a brief ceremony made in a deserted parking lot, near Ft. Riley. It felt very sweet to receive their attentions.

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No two knots were the same which made it more precious – to me anyway, wearing it for the next several weeks during which time, its brighter-than-arteriole red didn’t fail to cheerfully lift and tangible anchoring as a reminder of being in family.

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I had given all three their own healing bracelets which my sons wore daily (for several years), even my son graduating from basic training…under his uniform (which is a big no-no).

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 My ballet teacher wasn’t particularly thrilled- it unnecessarily attracted her eye.

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Now, I’m of the school we attract reciprocally from our surroundings – at-one-ment with our at-tun-ments, so I wore not for protection per se, but because I loved Kabbalah.

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Finally I belonged to a club- I did (do) want to talk about.

So I wore to declare my ‘membership’.

No one took my bait.

I visited no rabbi.

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Later, when the yarn finally thinned and shredded- on the side where the first knot cuts, it broke. (And did so, just in time for the annual nutcracker).

Still, its etheric form remained as an auric tattoo memory of Rachel’s ancestral hand encircling my left wrist protectively. Even here now, as I sit here typing this, she’s there – reassuring. And as my mother did – countless times, pulling me out of “danger”[18] albeit roughly.

You can (not) force a spirit into a box, but you can invite it to unfurl.

Be kind to your wave forms – your physical being is love’s expression.


[1] See essay “Gevburah 1” for more information.

[2] I’m nursing a deformity right now, a mallet finger on my left little finger- I wounded two days before my father died. Typing and gardening have really sucked. My hand is weakened, without that little tip of grip to help me. I’m still wrapping my head over its ugliness and dysfunction- all to catch an old lamp falling!)

[3] Talk to an elder once in a while, you will feel much better about your health and mobility- you might meet one at garden shops.

[4] Why seek to forget anything? G-d gave you a brain? Could all the emphasis on ‘forgetting’ be fueling some dementias?

[5] Understanding is Binah’s word – Hu(e)-mans are invariably imperfect- relative to our ‘blueprint’ form of perfect (Adam Kadmon) self under ‘perfect’ circumstances.

[6] Being made chaste again is airing a grievance without belittlement- to clear the air. “Just the facts, ma’am or sir”.

[7] lol, Che – sed vs Che-t, sed means but in latin, add a t instead is Tau, or life as chariot’s bound us on our spiral of life, up and down weaving our weft)

[8] Judgment with resurrection is Shin’s domain, His hive minds (specific Netzach fires) wake us again even when our spirit has dimmed- and vice-versa- is how He lifts our will to be even as physical organs learn to trust, they are just the right size, in this very moment.

[9] Boxes with ‘class’ to-gether is an artificial condition not found in nature. Maybe seeing baby spiders walking away as diaspora -gave man’s teacher the idea. “Class” – Chet (discret palm-sized amount of cycle, Lamed goading to balance, Aleph open above, with Samech squared and inculcated with mantras’ chemistry.)

[10]deleted.

[11] If Aquarius or Uranus is on your fourth house cusp, sudden and upsetting moves are possible/likely.

[12] Still even the Vidalia starts polarized -metaphor of turnip future goal with an up and down part, although seen and unseen is more accurate. Purple senses sun and develops pigment on the upper half; the rest is white[12]underneath despite growing  deep in earth’s yellow shades.  Perhaps it yellows a bit, sautéed in fats’ essences (heated by luxury) of flavor before landing on one’s plate.

[13] deleted.

[14] Magi-strat a –  a person of magician level or layer (relative to oneself) – a magician can make things happen using un-measurable powers that seem miraculous. Also means “teacher” in Latin.

[15] deleted.

[16] Salamanders are said to walk through fire – and ‘why’ they are black and ground-hugging.

[17]Did you know- just an 18 second hug will ease an inner tantrum? We are in this life together. Last moment may have been difficult, may the next be ‘better’! ..means blessings from Bet change with Resh’s waterfall and right here on earth with –ter as suffix.

Though I grew up in New England – hugging, was UNHEARD of –I wonder if that has changed since I left? 

[18] “Danger” – D-anger . trying not to express anger, we’d do anything but yell, and scream to get away from a being who is angry. When desperation builds up, a being is unstable – unpredictable. Then a person becomes “dangerous”. Forgetting one can be steered by their stars, is really such a shame. We all can feel dangerous, from time to time- This is our Pluto ‘expressing’ transformatively.

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